Sometimes I Feel Empowered, Other Times I Don't

I suppose other people go through this, too.  But sometimes I feel as if I can do anything I set my  mind to; other times I know I can't.  And it's most of those times I continually disappoint myself.  For instance, since October I've been taking a course for becoming a counselor at the pregnancy center.  However, I know I can't commit myself to doing that.  There's a couple of reasons for this.  First, I suffer from anxiety attacks.  Praise God I haven't had really, really bad ones recently like I have had in the past, but I still feel the panic come on when I'm in certain situations.  I'm afraid that if I make a committment and people depend on me wholeheartedly, then I can't measure up, hence the anxiety.  Second, I'm not sure I could handle talking to  women who are abortion minded that, even after I talk with them,  they continued to abort her child anyway.  I would be so upset.  I've heard where some sonographers are the last people to see some children alive before they are aborted.  How very sad.  So, those are two reasons why I know I couldn't be a counselor.  I think I would like to volunteer to file paperwork or do  something with fundraising, maybe.  I just don't know.

Empowered, not empowered.  Hmm.

Oh Christmas Shopping .... fa, la, la, la, la

I'm a last minute shopper, usually.  Today it was time to start thinking about Christmas presents.  My dd said she is not sending me a list with pictures of the things she wants because I never buy the exact one she sends me.  That was an eye opener because I always think I can get her a better one or I see that maybe she doesn't know a different one would work for her better.  When she told me she wasn't sending me a list and why I felt bad.  But yet I thought she is right.  I don't like it when I ask for something and I show a picture of it and yet I get a different one than I wanted.  However, the reason I do that is because I see it as a mother thing.  I want the best for my kids and I rethink what they think.  I am now going to TRY to stop doing that.  Really, I am. 

I started to make my Christmas list for the family.  So far here's some needs/wants:

1)  I would like to have a meat platter.

2)  I would like to have an ac/dc charger for my ipod.

I'm sure I'll add more onto it. 

DD and I are going shopping on Monday.  Sweet.

Tomorrow I have to take my cat back to the vets.  She has tumors in her ears that need cauterizing.  They bleed and when she shakes her head blood goes everywhere.  It's disgusting, yeah. 

So much to do tomorrow.....

Holocaust and the Unborn **graphic photos**

The 180 movie:  http://www.180movie.com/


Some people are mad about this movie.  I want to know what is it that they don't get?? 
   

One picture of a body during the Holocaust.  The other picture is a baby where a late term abortion (partical birth abortion) was performed on.  So what's the difference???  The government wants us to believe that the body at the Holocaust was murdered.  The body that is a smaller person who had his brains sucked out of his head while he was half delivered and still alive is not a person.  Seriously?   The baby body looks just like the big body right down to sex organs so what is it that makes one a person who was murdered and one that isn't a person and wasn't murdered?  I don't see a difference and if you do I'd like to know how you see a difference.

 

The Holocaust is alive and doing well.  Just ask the abortionist's who pockets are stuffed to the gill with green stuff.  Don't be fooled..we need to protect the unborn.

Here Today

The first of the month (Nov. 1st) was the 19th anniversary (if you can call it that) of my daughter's death.  It's been 'one of those' weeks.  You go along doing okay, but when the anniversary of a death comes up depression sorta sets in.  Take the month of May for example.  That's when my daughter Katrina was born.  May has always been a wonderful month for me.  It's just so beautiful..everything is coming up new.  Birds are making nests and having babies.  Flowers are blooming, the sun is bright and it's just a great start to summer.  But then, one day in 1989 my mom died.  And then my beautiful May became one of the those depressing months for me.   And then my mother in law died on Katrina's birthday years later.  How weird is that?  And if that isn't weird enough years after that my father in law passed away in May.  And now May that was once a month I so looked forward to is only a reminder of the people we loved and lost.  And that is how it is with October through the new year. 

Not too much is happening really.  It's just been a slow month (haha).  I am thinking about Christmas, though.  It's time to get to the shopping.    That can be a good thing and bad thing.  :)