Something is Bothering Me

I  got problems floating around in my head.  I mean, everybody has problems, but every once in awhile I have conflict going on in my brain. 

What I'm going to write about is not to take sides on eating meat.  In fact, I've been a meat eater all my life.  My dad used to tell me that I needed to eat meat for protein and protein was good for the blood.  Who's to argue with dad?  Besides, roast beef, meatloaf, bacon, ham is so good.  

But here's the thing:  I'm beginning to want to NOT eat meat.       It's crazy, right?  No?  For some reason I started to search out videos  on the humane way to kill animals that I put on my plate or sandwich.  And what I found make me sick.  Mostly, there is no humane to kill an animal.  I watch one video that is suppose to be the kosher way to kill.  Holy moly...slip the cows throat while it's alive and bleeding out.  The poor animal is still mooing but no sound is coming out and it's down right disgusting.  How can that be kosher???  Now, I searched out the way the humane way is to kill the animals and holy moly, shoot them in the head with some sort of nail gun {that's the cows} and the pigs they gas them.   Not to mention chickens have their heads put into a long tube hanging upside down and their poor necks sliced all the while they are skirming inside the metal tube.  Again, disgusting. 

Recently, I've been watching homesteading videos where one is living off the land {and their animals} and it's confused me even more.  I've watched videos of people  getting orders of baby chickens and they are cooing and ahhing over them and saying how cute they are and they are gonna make beautiful chickens with colorful feathers......then a months later one homesteader opens her freezer door and in there the viewer sees packages of chickens.  She says, here's my chickens, but don't worry I'll order more chicks next season.  I understeading homesteading because I was even checking out backyard chickens myself.....to have as pets!  I could never eat my pets.  Even when I went fishing in my teens it wasn't until I was an adult and had children that I actually ate a fish I caught.  I just couldn't.  Now, it's getting that way with the meat I eat.

While I'm cooking meat, the thing I'm thinking about  is not how tasty the meat is gonna be, I'm wondering how bad this poor animal suffered.  

Now, my grandma was raised on a farm.  They were self sufficient.  They had to be.  Her favorite food was chicken.  Don't get me wrong, I love fried chicken, but now, I look at that bird and wonder how bad it suffered, how scared it was.  

I'm a Christian, no hiding that fact.  Jesus ate fish.  God said 
It is okay to eat meat.  But now, I can't help to think that the meat I'm eating had a life and how scared it must have been when it was being killed.  How can I be a part of that?

I asked my husband if I started making some vegetarian meals would he eat them and he told me he'd eat anything I'd make.  

And that is where I am right now, right this minute.  I don't think I can find any vegan fake meat that comes close to the taste of meat.  Yet, watching meat cook only reminds me of the suffering that animal must have gone through.  

This is my problem.  

Changing the way one eats, even if it's a weight loss change, it's hard.  But, I really think eating more vegetables and less meat and maybe no meat at all is the way I'm gonna go.  I think if I can make some dinners without meat and eventually cut out meat that's the best way to go.

Blessings!