I didn’t think I would feel so alone when hubby went into the hospital this time. But I felt even worse. I felt like I was in mourning. I felt alone, lost; like I would if my hubby was forever gone! Most other times when he would be in the hospital, yes, I was alone, but we knew it would be for such and such a time and he would be home, but this time around it’s not the case. We knew it was gonna be for a long haul.
The feeling is horrible. In a flash, life changes forever. And I’m not talking about for the good, either. See, I went right from my dad’s house to getting married, so I never lived on my own. I always had someone there to “take care of me.” Not that I can’t take care of myself (but honestly, I never had to), so it’s quite a change now in my mid 60’s I have to face taking care of not only myself, but my pets, the house, maintenance....I don’t know how to do all that.
This post sounds like I’m all over the place which I am. When things like this happens there are no routines. Everything is a big jumbled mess. You try to get through the day and so glad when night comes cause I can just go to bed and not think about anything. It’s waking up in the morning when it’s all a reality again and I have to fight my way through the day.
I guess what I am saying is that hubby and I had a life that was fun and now like overnight it is all gone and our lives are about hospitals, medical procedures, hospital bills, not enough money and on and on. There are no golden years. That’s a myth..one big fat lie.
This morning hubby had his ankle surgery. After five hours, he is just now getting to recovery. I am not with him. He is in a hospital an hour away and with my vertigo I haven’t been able to drive that far. And so now I depend on the hospital staff to take care of hubby. Dear God, please put caring people around hubby. God, please use your powers to bring hubby home to us, because I’m scared this time. I’m really scared.
Did I mentioned the hospital hubby was at when he first broke his ankle wanted to cut off his foot? Yes, and we were ready to have that done because those doctors didn’t give us hope of any kind. But God did a miracle and hubby’s brother’s stepdaughter was able to contact hubby’s ortho dr who got him transferred to her hospital and gave us hope. Now we wait and see.
Blessings,
Bev
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