Not a Great Week

Having this terrible balance disorder is more than I can deal with sometimes.  A week or so ago I was doing okay; I was still wobbly and off balance, but I managed it.  This past week has been awful.  I feel as if I’m getting worse and not better.  I wanted to cry today and I hardly ever feel that way.  I know that other people have this disorder much worse than I do and I am so grateful for the things I can do, but I just want to be normal and have my old life back.  I don’t want to be old and sick.  I feel like so many people on a spiritual level asking God why me.  I was asking that, too when my precious daughter passed away.  Why was I the only one in family and friends who had a chronically sick child who died?  Why me?  Now I’m asking the same question..why was I hit with this imbalance disorder and no one else?  Okay, I take that back.  I know a couple of people who have an inner ear problem, but they are living their lives..okay, so I’m still living, but not like I used to.  I’m miserable feeling like someone is pushing me all the time or that I’m falling when I lay down to go to sleep.  My brain gets so tired of trying to compensate.  I even get rapid heartbeats because my brain things something is wrong and it’s trying to send reinforcements.  My hand shakes so bad now trying to write.  I’m so tired.  

I’ll be going into my 10th month with this.  I never believed I would have this so long.  I thought therapy would do the trick, but nope.  There is a group called Wobblers.  They were given the ‘myicins’ drug and it damaged their inner ear hairs.  They have no balance and I think something damaged mine, too.  I pray God makes me better...heals me in fact, but it hasn’t happened.  I pray every night..okay, maybe I skip here and there.  But why can’t He heal me...why not me?

I have so much to take care of since hubby broke his leg and can’t bend it.  I do most everything including heavy lifting.  Me and my dog have hypothyroid and now I found out my cat has hyperthyroid.  I feel overwhelmed....just dealing with it all.

That’s all for now..

Blessings.