Not a Great Week

Having this terrible balance disorder is more than I can deal with sometimes.  A week or so ago I was doing okay; I was still wobbly and off balance, but I managed it.  This past week has been awful.  I feel as if I’m getting worse and not better.  I wanted to cry today and I hardly ever feel that way.  I know that other people have this disorder much worse than I do and I am so grateful for the things I can do, but I just want to be normal and have my old life back.  I don’t want to be old and sick.  I feel like so many people on a spiritual level asking God why me.  I was asking that, too when my precious daughter passed away.  Why was I the only one in family and friends who had a chronically sick child who died?  Why me?  Now I’m asking the same question..why was I hit with this imbalance disorder and no one else?  Okay, I take that back.  I know a couple of people who have an inner ear problem, but they are living their lives..okay, so I’m still living, but not like I used to.  I’m miserable feeling like someone is pushing me all the time or that I’m falling when I lay down to go to sleep.  My brain gets so tired of trying to compensate.  I even get rapid heartbeats because my brain things something is wrong and it’s trying to send reinforcements.  My hand shakes so bad now trying to write.  I’m so tired.  

I’ll be going into my 10th month with this.  I never believed I would have this so long.  I thought therapy would do the trick, but nope.  There is a group called Wobblers.  They were given the ‘myicins’ drug and it damaged their inner ear hairs.  They have no balance and I think something damaged mine, too.  I pray God makes me better...heals me in fact, but it hasn’t happened.  I pray every night..okay, maybe I skip here and there.  But why can’t He heal me...why not me?

I have so much to take care of since hubby broke his leg and can’t bend it.  I do most everything including heavy lifting.  Me and my dog have hypothyroid and now I found out my cat has hyperthyroid.  I feel overwhelmed....just dealing with it all.

That’s all for now..

Blessings.

Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan issued a “stay at home” order for Maryland residents on Monday — further curtailing daily life in the Free State in hopes of slowing the spread of the new coronavirus.

“Every Marylander can be a hero, just by staying home,” Hogan, a Republican, said in a news conference outside the State House in Annapolis Monday morning.

I woke up to this order from Governor Hogan this morning.  We are to stay in our homes and only go out for essentials, i.e. food or medical.  I never, ever, in my wildest dreams thought our state (or nation) would have a pandemic, let alone being 'ordered' to stay in our homes.  This is like something out of a cartoon movie or even the Bible where the king or ruler tells everyone they have to stay in their homes or else.  I was telling hubby today, 'just think, when our great-great grandkids (assuming we'll have one or two) study this pandemic in school {they will, won't they?} they'll talk about how their great-great grandparents survived it. 

Donald and I stay home mostly anyway...okay, we do go out to eat or go to medical appointments, but we mostly we stay home.  So this really isn't a huge problem for us.  

This is a great time for people to clean out their closets, organize their homes, deep clean it, and just chill.  I hope that parents who are homeschooling their kids will decided to continue to do so even after this virus has passed.  It would be wonderful for parents to realize what they are missing in seeing their children finding joy in education and learning.  And that working from home can be an option for parents who have learned that being home with their family is something they have truly missed out on.  

There are blessings in everything.  Sometimes we just have to see past the negative to see the positive.  I believe that is how God made it.  Because He is in charge of everything single thing.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  

Blessings!