Since I left off last time, hubby (Donald) got home from rehab..I went and picked him up. Basically, same routine as surgery; I watch him so he doesn’t fall and take care of his needs. Oh what fun. This is life now. It sucks...I can’t even begin to tell you how much it sucks. Maybe I’m not being grateful for what I have or I’m not finding the joy in all this. I really don’t know. I know I have become a resentful, angry, unhappy person and I don’t even like myself anymore. I just don’t know how to fix me because I have not time for me. I have no money for me.
I have been through a lot in my life...the death of a child, lost embryos from infertility, panic attacks, severe depression, lost vacation with my family (because I became housebound). but somehow I managed to find my way out of those things. And I could find joy again, but this time I am completely lost. Maybe because I’m just older now and I really have no reason to fight. I don’t see my life continuing into my 70’s therefore not much living time left. It’s not a sad thing, just the way life is. Eventually we all have to think about the end of our lives, don’t we?
So right now, I have bronchitis. I haven’t been sick like this in a long time. I haven’t been able to babysit our new grand baby and I miss her.
That’s all the update for now. I am tired.
Blessings,
Bev
