A Long Overdue Update

 Since I left off last time, hubby (Donald) got home from rehab..I went and picked him up.  Basically, same routine as surgery; I watch him so he doesn’t fall and take care of his needs.  Oh what fun.  This is life now.  It sucks...I can’t even begin to tell you how much it sucks.  Maybe I’m not being grateful for what I have or I’m not finding the joy in all this.  I really don’t know.  I know I have become a resentful, angry, unhappy person and I don’t even like myself anymore.  I just don’t know how to fix me because I have not time for me.  I have no money for me.  

I have been through a lot in my life...the death of a child, lost embryos from infertility, panic attacks, severe depression, lost vacation with my family (because I became housebound). but somehow I managed to find my way out of those things.   And I could find joy again, but this time I am completely lost.  Maybe because I’m just older now and I really have no reason to fight.  I don’t see my life continuing into my 70’s therefore not much living time left.  It’s not a sad thing, just the way life is.  Eventually we all have to think about the end of our lives, don’t we?

So right now, I have bronchitis.  I haven’t been sick like this in a long time.  I haven’t been able to babysit our new grand baby and I miss her.  

That’s all the update for now.  I am tired.

Blessings,

Bev

Day 31-A Picture of Me

Here's a picture of me in Ocean City, Maryland during a Northeaster.  Wind and rain..it was terrible.  Dh and I had come here with our motorhome for our anniversary.  I don't know if was the food I ate or the being in the wind and rain, but I got very sick later that night.  I told dh that I wanted to go home.  We picked up camp and drove home.  I think I had gotten food poisoning or the flu.  I don't want to go through that again!

Today I have a terrible headache.  I get this if I sleep wrong with my neck twisted.  It's really more of a muscle thing in the back of my neck.  I'll take some aspirin when I get out to the kitchen later. 

I think spring might be around the corner.  We are having some warm days now and the sun is shinning.  This is the best time of the year when everyone is cleaning up from winter, planting flowers and birds are making their nests.  And being able to sit outside with some iced tea and read and just enjoy the green once again....it's great. 

I gotta get myself in gear for some cleaning.  Although I've done quite a bit during the winter I still need to declutter.  Just when you think you have cleaned out stuff, you realize there's more to be done.  After taking four truck loads of stuff to Goodwill the closets are still loaded.  It's crazy...why do people think having stuff is the answer.  It just takes up space and weighs you down.  The more you have the more you have to take care of.  Crazy!!

I guess that's it for now!