A Long Overdue Update

 Since I left off last time, hubby (Donald) got home from rehab..I went and picked him up.  Basically, same routine as surgery; I watch him so he doesn’t fall and take care of his needs.  Oh what fun.  This is life now.  It sucks...I can’t even begin to tell you how much it sucks.  Maybe I’m not being grateful for what I have or I’m not finding the joy in all this.  I really don’t know.  I know I have become a resentful, angry, unhappy person and I don’t even like myself anymore.  I just don’t know how to fix me because I have not time for me.  I have no money for me.  

I have been through a lot in my life...the death of a child, lost embryos from infertility, panic attacks, severe depression, lost vacation with my family (because I became housebound). but somehow I managed to find my way out of those things.   And I could find joy again, but this time I am completely lost.  Maybe because I’m just older now and I really have no reason to fight.  I don’t see my life continuing into my 70’s therefore not much living time left.  It’s not a sad thing, just the way life is.  Eventually we all have to think about the end of our lives, don’t we?

So right now, I have bronchitis.  I haven’t been sick like this in a long time.  I haven’t been able to babysit our new grand baby and I miss her.  

That’s all the update for now.  I am tired.

Blessings,

Bev

We Lost Our Grand-dog

On April 4, 2020 we lost our beautiful grand-dog Maggy.  It was sudden and unexpected.  That makes it even worse in my opinion.  I mean, everything is fine, then boom, it’s not fine.  I was in my office at my desk when I heard my son come into the house.  I didn’t know he was coming over for a visit especially during the quarantine.  He’s a jokester and usually when he comes into the house he throws the office door open to try to scare me.  This time he threw the door open screaming, “she’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone.”  He held up Maggy’s collar and I didn’t know what he was saying at first.  I was thinking so fast that she ran away and he couldn’t find her but she never did that before so that didn’t make sense.  And my son was crying so hard and I knew something really terrible happened.  I got up and hugged my son until he could control his crying {broken heart} and then he sat down to tell me what happened.  He said that Maggy wouldn’t eat anything that morning and then later she couldn’t even stand up.  He called the vet and they told him to bring Maggy in.  They  did an X-ray of her stomach and found she had a tumor on her spleen that made her spleen burst and the tumor was also growing onto her heart.  There was no way to repair it.  She had to be put down.  Just writing these words makes me cry.  She was a beautiful, loving, wonderful dog.  I still can’t believe she is gone.  My son got Maggy after he came home from basic training.  She was a little puppy then.  But soon after that my son was called to go to Iraq and I kept Maggy for him until he came back.  Then he was called out again nine months later and I kept Maggy once more.  She lived with us for quite a few years.  

My son is single so Maggy was his true companion.  They were inseparable.  They hiked, went to the beach, took daily walks, everything.  And as a mom, I want to make it all better for my son and take away his broken heart but I can’t.  Here are some pictures of our beautiful girl:  

 

 

 

Life is going to be so different without her.  I’m so thankful she was a part of the our family.  

Blessings!