Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan issued a “stay at home” order for Maryland residents on Monday — further curtailing daily life in the Free State in hopes of slowing the spread of the new coronavirus.

“Every Marylander can be a hero, just by staying home,” Hogan, a Republican, said in a news conference outside the State House in Annapolis Monday morning.

I woke up to this order from Governor Hogan this morning.  We are to stay in our homes and only go out for essentials, i.e. food or medical.  I never, ever, in my wildest dreams thought our state (or nation) would have a pandemic, let alone being 'ordered' to stay in our homes.  This is like something out of a cartoon movie or even the Bible where the king or ruler tells everyone they have to stay in their homes or else.  I was telling hubby today, 'just think, when our great-great grandkids (assuming we'll have one or two) study this pandemic in school {they will, won't they?} they'll talk about how their great-great grandparents survived it. 

Donald and I stay home mostly anyway...okay, we do go out to eat or go to medical appointments, but we mostly we stay home.  So this really isn't a huge problem for us.  

This is a great time for people to clean out their closets, organize their homes, deep clean it, and just chill.  I hope that parents who are homeschooling their kids will decided to continue to do so even after this virus has passed.  It would be wonderful for parents to realize what they are missing in seeing their children finding joy in education and learning.  And that working from home can be an option for parents who have learned that being home with their family is something they have truly missed out on.  

There are blessings in everything.  Sometimes we just have to see past the negative to see the positive.  I believe that is how God made it.  Because He is in charge of everything single thing.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  

Blessings!

 

Never thought I would ever see the world shut down.  What's even more scary is that the medical facilities have basically shut down.  Our doctor appointments and therapy has had to be rescheduled.  And they will probably be rescheduled after that.  If one was in a mindset of doomsday I suppose they would think now is the time the world is ending.  For me, I am waiting for Jesus to come out of the sky on a white horse.  

I have to say I am sick of hearing about this coronvirus already.  It has altered me getting help for my vestibular disorder.  It makes me have to stay home instead of letting me decided if I wanna stay home or go out somewhere.  It makes it hard when I need supplies like toilet paper, paper towels or water and others have hoardered {is that a word?} it and there is none in any of the stores.  Schools have shut down, theaters, restaurants {no eating inside}, sports events...crazy.  I read a funny on facebook how spanking and prayers have come back into schools...meaning since the schools have shut down kids are being schooled at home.  Parents are working from home, too.  I mean, everyone is working from home.  I guess this too shall pass but when you're in the storm it doesn't seem like it's ever gonna pass.  This time next year everyone will be talking about the time the world shut down cause of coronavirus.  And it will be popping up on facebook.  

Blessings!

Mike and Meg (We had a wedding! October 6, 2018)

Our daughter got married!.  It is a sad and joyous occasion for us.    Here are some of her wedding pictures:

It was a beautiful wedding.  But you spend a year planning for it and then boom it’s over with before you know it.  Her and her husband, Mike Stog (of Mike Stog Photography...go check him out, he’s all over the net), are living a happy life and have plans to buy a house and start a family!

Broken Femur/Vestibular Problems

Time flies by so fast and I know I have said that many times, but it amazes me how I think something happened a short while ago, but nope.  We are getting old (husband and I) and our health in going by the wayside.  It’s getting harder to get through a day.  Whoever came up with “Golden Years” was a liar unless he had great health and lots and lots of money.  Otherwise, I’d like to meet him and tell him he is wrong.

One day in March 2017 it was a normal day until the phone rang.  It was hubby at work saying he went to get up from his desk and couldn’t.  He broke his femur bone at the knee.  Long story short, I had to go get him, take him to the ER and it’s been a nightmare since.  Four operations later his leg is fused so he can’t bend it. He can’t drive.  He walks with crutches, he lost his job.  That day changed our lives forever.  I was mad, angry and missing our old life.  No more can we RV.  I have to do all the driving now.  I have to do most of the chores.  *sigh*

Hubby had to go on SSDI.   And because he was on that I was also eligible to get a little money, too.  But when your salary is cut to bare bones your lifestyle is too.  Now it’s worry about everything.

Mostly since 2017, things have been focused on hubby and his health, but last year in October (2019) I woke up with the room spinning.  Hubby called an ambulance as I had collapsed on the floor.  And the long and story of that is ER dr said I had vertigo.  So off to the ENT, audiologists, VRT (vertigo rehabilitation therapy), neurologist and soon to see a eye doctor who specializes in eye problems.  And symptoms with this disorder include 24 hour nausea, dizziness, feeling like you are seasick and walking on a trampoline all the time.  I never even knew this disorder existed.  And what has shocked me even more is how many people are suffering with it.  Of course, I went to facebook groups just to see if there was a group of vestibular disorders and yes there was.  People all around the world and yet hardly any of us are being diagnosed properly.  I have little faith in the medical profession these days.  Google can tell me more about my problems then a man or woman who spend years in school supposingly learning how to medically treat people.  But don’t get me started on that.  Anyway, I had to quit driving for a couple of months, but thank the Good Lord my kids were able to get us to doctor appointments and such.  I told my son this is why people need to have a lot of kids...so us old parents have tons of children to rely on and not burn them all out at one time! LOL.  Most days I just wanna give up, though and not get out of bed, but I remind myself I need to find purpose in the day and that is why I DO get up and even if it’s to wash clothes or cook a meal.  I have to keep pushing on.

Our son bought his own house.  He was living with us, too but we had to convert the family room into a bedroom for him.  He was here about a year or so and it was wonderful having the kids back home and we were all together.  I don’t care how old they get it is always grand to have the kids around.  It’s just too bad we don’t have a large parcel of land where we can build houses for each of the kids and we could be close to one another like back in the days of farming.  But with technology these days we can talk with each other and video chat if we want to.  And that’s the next best thing to having them here.

So this is kind of our four year update.  I’m hoping to start updating here more.

Blessings!
Bev

Getting Back on the Horse Again!

     So where do I begin?  Do I say I'm back like so many other times?  How about if you are just surprised at a new posting?  I have been living life, sorta.  I haven't been out of the country or anything like that.  I have just neglected sharing my life.  But I hope that will change a little bit now.  

     Even though it's been quite a few months, I can't remember everything that's happened, but I can tell you a couple of things that have impacted my heart.  September 2015 Donald and I went on an rv trip to Georgia.  It started off good, but at the rv park we stayed at was infested with ants.  Oh my goodness.  They got into the rv and that was infested.  I'm not talking a few ants, I'm talking they were in every single place, corner, bed, etc in the rv.  Millions of them.  We even brought them back home with us.  Okay, what a nightmare, but the heartbreak happens when we get  home and our beloved cat Angel had gone missing.  We had Angel for 15 years.  He was an indoor, mostly outdoor cat.  He never liked being inside.  He found us when he was a kitten, but he just never took to living inside.  I don't know why.  Anyway, there was no trace of him and he never left the perimeter of the house.  We searched the woods, the shed...etc.  But he is gone.  It's been a year and he's gone. 

     Now, we had another cat, Splash who lived indoor outdoor.  She was a scary cat, but she was always so brave to go outside.  Had her for 15 years.  One evening I let her outside months after Angel vanished and then she vanished.  Can't believe it.  

     And very recently in May, our son's cat Roy went missing, too.  We had Roy for 14 years.  It's heartbreaking.  No sign of them anywhere and I checked with the animal shelter and nothing.  I don't understand it.  So my heart has been heavy.  When a family member is no longer there, your heart breaks.  Mine has been.  No knowing what happened to them hurts because you think horrible thoughts about what could have been their end.  :(

     Now for what's happening in the present.  Our son is moving back home.  He is in the process of home buying, but needed a placed for now.  The only room we had for him was our family room.  So we moved all the furniture over to one side and he is living on the other.  Crazy.  Boom a rang kids.  Isn't that what they are called?  Never expected my kids to still be here in their 30's, but I love them and will help them as much as I can.  It's unconditional.  

     So the daughter is still here, too.  Probably for another year.  Then her life might change.  We'll see.

     The house is in real need of some TLC.  Needs major painting and cleaning.  The other day Donald and I were sitting outside looking around the house and he said, "this place is beginning to look like old people live here."  And I said, "you're right, we are getting old."  I never thought when I was young and vibrant that one day I would no longer have the energy to do daily things that need doing.  It's not only tiring, but it's mentally exhausting.  But you have to keep moving along.

   Well, it's getting late now.  Until later...

Blessings

Stuff

Hi all!  I've been doing a little updating here.  Some new pictures on the side bar, new banner, and I updated my Shelfari reading shelf.  I've wanted to read a bunch more books this year, but just haven't done it.  

So many things I've mentally wanted to do this year, but call me unmotivated, super tired, I don't know what.  The mojo in me is just gone.  

Never thought in my wildest dreams I'd ever get to a point in my life where I wouldn't care about stuff.  Caring is just mentally exhausting to me.  That sounds bad, doesn't it?   Maybe I should clarify that.  I mean, I care about my husband and children and I'm always worrying about them.  Always.  I want them to be happy and healthy and protected by God's angels.   The thing I less care about is the house, what's in it {all the stuff}....it's mentally bogging me down.  No, I'm not a hoarder, thank goodness.  But I do have more than I want to have and donating what I can would be the best option.  I think back to when Donald and I were first married and we had very little.  We did purchase a dinette set and living room furniture before we got married {we never lived together before marriage}; my brother stored it at his house for us.  So when we moved into our home after the wedding we had those things and our wedding gifts.  Plus, our tv was a tiny 4 inch screen black and white.  Haha, those were the days.  We had little but we were so happy.  We had plenty of space in those days to move around.  But here's the thing, why do we, as a people, feel we need to fill up a house with stuff?  

I believe at first we don't think it's stuff.  We are making our house a home, right?  But before you know it, every counter space has a pile of papers on it, the drawers are so stuffed you can't open them, the closet is full of clothes we never wear (admit it!); they are either too big or too small for us and because there's room in the bottom of the closet we have to fill that up, too.  It's truly crazy, ridiculous.  

I remember when we got our first computer, ever.  Back in the late '90's.  We knew nothing about computers, let me tell you.  But Donald knew someone at work who was rebuilding them and we got one for not too much money.  I didn't realize it at the time all the stuff that you'd have to purchase for this thing.  Disks, paper, filing draws/folders for all the cool papers you print out, programs you'd have to purchase...the list goes on.  And don't forget about upgrading to cd roms, and usb and having some place to store all that.  Let's just say, my computer closet is about busting its seams, too.  

Anyway, I did start a clean out process.  Donald and I went dumpster diving at Five Below about a year ago.  Unbelievable what these stores throw away.  We were able to get a ton of toys and this year I was able to donate them to a good cause.  Brand new, in the package with price tags still on them.  But wouldn't you know it....we went back a month later and the dumpsters were locked.  All the stores in this area have locked dumpsters now.  That's another story, though.

Anyway, with Thanksgiving coming up and Christmas it's time to get into gear and get some stuff done around here.  I have a list of projects I wanna do.

So blessings for now!

Withdrawing From Paxil

I have been on anti-depressants since my daughter died which was in 1992.  I have been on all of them except some of the newer ones that are out.  But I've been on Paxil the longest.  And it has the worse withdraw symptoms.  You can google them..the list is too long to put here.  Let just say, though, that I have tried many times to get off this stuff.  It's addictive and it's like one is addict to crack or something.  If I miss one dose, just one day, my brain feels like it sloshing around in my head, I have white noise in my ears.  I can get a headache and other stuff, but one of the worst withdraw symptoms is the anger.  Oh man, I can get angry at a drop of a hat.  And that's not like me.  This drug is demonfied, let me tell you.  And it's uncontrollable anger.   It's like I'm in this body who is angry and I'm along for the ride.  It's so awful.  And if I cannot get my meds refilled and I miss a day or more...look out.  It's like being a drug addict that needs a fix.  I'm not kidding.  I hate this medication.  So guess, what, I'm getting myself off it.  Thank and praise God, that the anger hasn't shown up.  I'm having white noise in my ears and the sloshing of the brain, but so far so good.  Oh yeah, and another thing.  One of the symptoms of withdraw is flu like symptoms.  Well, on day two/three, I would get sooo cold; my hands and feet felt like they had been in the snow and yet about 30 minutes later I was sweating like a pig.  At first I didn't put two and two together until about day 4 when the cold/hot episodes had almost stop.  But here I am on day 6.  Praise God!!  And doing good.

I told my family that I was taking myself off this Paxil stuff and if I have any type of episodes or I get super angry, just know it's a withdraw symptom.  Try to understand and talk me through it.  Believe me, you really cannot control yourself.  So, just to test me {hahaha} I had ordered over two weeks ago some birthday presents for Meghan's birthday.  Three different things; two came through Amazon fulfillment center and another came through a supply company.  The Amazon shipment was sent through some stupid Laser Ship company; I never even heard of them but 'they couldn't find my house'.  Donald has to finally, after I had paid for shipping, go to the shop and pick up my order.  And the other present was shipped through Fedex, who, could not find my house, blah, blah, blah.  Luckily, they are right down the street from me and I sat in that office for almost 3 hours listening to their lies:  1)  the wrong address was on the package; 2)  the package was delivered; 3)  the package wasn't delivered but a note was left on my door; 4) the delivery truck broke down and they had to switch trucks and my package was left on it, or dropped out of it.....oh my gosh.  All lies and still they can't find my package.  Now, wasn't that a test of my patience....to see if my Paxil withdraw symptoms would come into play?  I did get mad, and I started shaking because I was so mad, but I did not go full postal.  Yeah!  But, I had to come home, call the place I ordered the present from and ask for a refund.  What a waste of time and paperwork.  And my gas for driving down there.

I can't believe summer is almost over.  It's so sad.  I crave hot, summery days.  To think the cold is around the corner again, the heavy coats and long sleeve shirts is making me bonkers.  

Oh well, at least we are alive to enjoy every season.  I say that because so many people of my age group are dropping over dead.  It's unbelievable.  And it's shocking.  I mean, to see someone in the store that you know a few weeks before and learn they are dead is mind boggling.  We are all at death's door; anyone of us could pass through within the minute, but at times it just doesn't possible.  How is that possible?  I know it is; I've witnessed enough of death in my life, but to think that Donald or I will be without the other is just so sad.  When one starts their lives it's so joyful and fun and ya think about growing old together, but when it really happens it's scary and sad and frightening.  That's why every needs to count for something.  

Okay, that's enough for now.  

Blessings!

July 4th and Shark Week

I really gotta start keeping a blog planner.  I have things I wanted put here, but then I forget and...well, that's what happens when one gets old(er)!  

July 4th came and went.  Our son stopped by...well, actually, he went shopping for some goodies and came by.  Haha!  Or he shopped the day before....see how days get combined into one?  Anyway, the daughter went to her friend's house so we missed having her, but the son stayed all day with us.

My son with his subtitles

He even came by the next day (Sunday) because you know why?  It was the beginning of Shark Week!! After him and his dad worked in the yard we had leftovers for dinner. Then dad and son went to the basement to watch the sharks, I went to my room to watch them...until my son came into the room to say he was leaving....uh, waking me up.  Darn, I  missed a lot of it.  Shark day #2 wasn't that good of a day either for me because I think I got through 1 and a half shows before I fell asleep. 

Just dropping by to say hi for now.

Blessings! 

Howd'y there folks!   I haven't forgotten about you...just that depression has gotten in the way of everyday life.  It's really a Catch 22.  Depression makes a person not have the motivation to do anything, yet by doing nothing one falls into a deeper black hole.  Which, in turn, makes it harder for a person to climb back out.  {*Note:  Catch 22 is a book we had to read in junior high school; the phrase really is similar to a rock and a hard place.}  However, if one can do something, even the little thing, it can help one to climb out.  It's a sad thing, depression.  

I've really missed telling you alot of stuff that has happened.  For instance, Mother's Day.  Katrina's birthday day....but I'm not going to make up for it now.  I'm just gonna try to move forward and start with today.  

Today, I slept until 4 or 5 pm..however, I didn't go to sleep until 9 am.  And this scheduled doesn't help to get a good routine.  Why am I like this?  I think the only way to sleep is to take something and I've never, ever been one to take something for sleep.  But I've come to the point where sleep does not come naturally to me unless I'm so totally exhausted I just clonk out.  I think depression has something to do with it.  And knowing I have an appointment at a certain time of day causes my anxiety to kick in big time.  I hate appointments.  

So this week, actually tomorrow, I have to take the kittens to vets to get stitches removed and daughter is going away on a business trip, so I have to drop her off at the airport.  The airport of all places.  I don't even know how to drive through an airport.  Just thinking about it is giving me anxiety.

Yet, we just found out that a 'friend' from church passed away.  This woman was instrumental in bringing us to this particular church 20+ years ago.  I met her one day when both our daughters were taking tap dancing lessons at a community center.  The two of us would sit on the floor and talk about Christ, our schools, our churches.  I remember she was cross stitching something for a wedding and she couldn't make French knots in it so I showed her how to do it.  I wasn't happy with the school my kids were attending and she said her church had a school that was wonderful and I should go check it out.  She invited my family to the churches Passion play they put on every Easter and it was one of the best plays I had ever seen.  And, I remember her birthday was coming up and she was gonna be 39 and she was saying how old she was getting.  Can you imagine 39 being old??  Considering when she passed she was 65, fighting ovarian cancer and ending with 9 grandchildren.  Amazing!  So many of our friends are passing away and as one gets older it gets scarier to see this happening because one thinks they will always be in good health and live a long time, although I don't know what a long time really is.  I suppose 100 years is a long time, huh?

When one has depression and friends like her pass away, it can throw one deeper in the hole.  It's almost impossible to believe people so close to you are here alive and well for the most part and then gone forever.  The concept of it boggles the mind.  We are all so close to death's door and just don't seem to realize it.  

And yeah, I'm gonna say something about Bruce Jenner.  What a bunch of hog wash!!  These men who think changing the outside of themselves makes them a woman is stupid.  They dress up in women's clothes, put on make and grow their hair out and, bam, they are a woman.  I think not!!  When you have periods so painful you can even go to work or school, bloating to where you have to have different size clothes in your wardrobe for whatever day of the week it is , painful breasts, fatigue, headaches, birthing pains 'that time of the month' craziness, and a whole lot of other stuff that goes with being a real female...then come see us ladies.  And..the makeup....drag queen!  How many females  {real women, mind you} wear that much makeup??  He put son so much make up he looks like a clown.  Women don't wear make up like that.  It's ridiculous.  The world is wanting us to accept 'no gender' people and that happening.  It's an insult to real women who fought to get voting rights and other rights.  I'm not talking about being a feminist.  But good gosh.....Bruce, you're a clown.  P.S....it was interesting how you had to hide you man hands in the Vanity Fair shot.  

Okay..that's it for now.  
Blessings!