My LIfe Changed (again) in October 2019

I touched on this subject in an earlier post.  But I want to really ‘touch” on the subject.  On October 6, 2019 I went to bed a normal, ‘happy’ person.  Life had been a real challenge since Donald broke his knee.  But I was coping to say the least.  But maybe subconsciously I really wasn’t.  Anyway, I went to bed, went to sleep then just hours later my eyes shot open, the room was spinning and I really thought I was having a stroke.  What else could it be?  I felt like vomiting, so I rushed to the bathroom as fast I could considering the room was spinning.  As I was vomiting, I collapsed on the floor and told Donald I did not feel well.  He called 911, the ambulance came and took me to the ER. They told me I have vertigo.  I had no clue what that really entailed other than I knew my aunt had a ‘case’ of it.  She did some head/neck exercises and never had it again.  Okay, I thought to myself.  My aunt got through this so I can, too. I went to my family doctor to advise me what I should do.  He was no help.  I asked if I should go the an ent and he told me if I wanted I could.  So I did.  I made an appointment with the ent, assured he could give me meds or advise or something and then I’d be over this.  He told me to go to vestibular therapy.  And I had to have some hearing tests.  In the end after many visits to him and many tests, he was stumped...he didn’t know what is wrong with me.  The vestibular therapist told me I didn’t have a balance issue and dismissed me.  Then I went to the neurologist who said I had vestibular neuritis...but he was sure.  He ordered an mri...and when he looked at the results he said he wasn’t sure what I had as the brain scan was clear...well, all for a couple of blood vessels that were closed off....old age.

I went to eye dr who says I have some problems with my eyes, like convergency and some other stuff and I’m in vision therapy.  Then I saw and ent from the University of Maryland and he said he doesn’t know what’s wrong with me.  

Weeks after I had my vertigo attack I felt as if I was walking on a boat...it was horrible.  Not being able to stand or walk, no balance....who can live like that?  Then days later I got on my computer and had another dizzy attack.  I felt to the floor.  I was yelling for Donald but he went outside so our wonderful dog, Maddee came and sat by my side.  I was yelling and crying...wondering if my life was gonna be like this forever now.  How can I find a solution to this if the doctors have no clue?

For a couple of months after this I would have dizzy spells that would knock me into the doors..or I could get up out of bed.  I felt sick to my stomach.  Really, really sick.  I had a friend who told me what to take to help with the nauseated stomach.  But the worse parts of all this was that I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t walk right..  

After the boat feeling went away the trampoline sensation came along.  It wasn’t so much I was on the boat anymore as it was I was walking on a trampoline.  Horrible.  How can I live the rest of my life like this??

I needed answers...I went to facebook groups, which when I started looking for vestibular groups, I was shocked to find so many people dealing with this.  Every day for years some have reported.  How is this possible and nobody has ever heard about it except those who are dealing with it?  I became a member of a new group....the group of vestibular people.  There are also people dealing with being permanently injuries from having ‘myicin’ toxicity...like gentamicin.  Those medications actually kill off the little hairs in the vestibular system and make people off balance..crippling them.  

So where am I at now 8 mos later....I’m better, but not much.  I still can walk straight.  I can’t stand without feeling like I’m falling over.  I need to sit to feel still.  

I have an invisible disease....I pray to God to please heal me.  But I’m not there yet.  I don’t know if He will...it makes me sad.  Why do I have to live like this??

I still am scared I will have a vertigo attack. And since I’m the only driver, I worry I might have a dizzy spell when I’m driving.  

There is an organization called Veda.  Their ‘symbol’ is the flamingo.  I asked someone why a flamingo and they told me because flamingos balance on one leg...it is symbolic of what we can’t do....something like that.  Or maybe we strive to balance on one leg..which most of us can’t do now.  So much we can’t do.

Blessings!

Thirty Year Mystery Solved (sort of)

My mom passed away in 1989.  Don’t know how long after that my sister told me mom had been married before!  I was shocked.  This opened up so many questions.  Who was she married to?  When did she get divorced...why?  Do I have any half siblings?  My sister didn’t know.  In fact, my sister suspected she might not be my dad’s...maybe she was the daughter of the first husband.  It rocked my world.  It was almost as shocking as finding out you’re adopted, I would think.  The world you knew and grew up it was a farse.  Or at least a half farse.  That’s how I felt and continued to feel all these thirty-some years.

A short time after this ‘news’ was revealed my brother and I  started to investigate.  One day when dad wasn’t home we got into the important papers in the desk, the papers we were never allowed to see.  And there we discovered some clues, although I can’t remember what clues we found.  We were always told my parents got married in Pennsylvania so my brother decided he would drive there to get a copy of my parent’s marriage license.  And when he saw it he called and confirmed that mom had indeed been married before because the license said she was divorced.  And it even gave the divorce date.  It was still shocking to me. I don’t really know how the other siblings took it but it just shocked me.  So started my search for her first husband.

We asked my mom’s sister about this newly discovered information and she said she didn’t know anything about her being married before.  Granted, my aunt was 17 years older, but I’m pretty sure my grandmother would had informed my aunt what my mom did at the age of 17.  So my aunt denied everything.  I asked my father’s sisters but they couldn’t remember anything because they were just kids at the time.  Nobody was talking; it was hush hush.  And that made me even more determined to get to the bottom of this.

My younger brother ran into a friend of my mother’s.  He asked her some questions about mom’s first marriage.  She gave some info, but she said she wasn’t sure if it was true.  And with that info I tried looking up who this first husband was and I did get some clues but nothing was confirmed.  I had no way to confirm anything.

I felt like until somebody would tell the truth I would never know who and why mom married before.  This was in 1949 or 1950...some seventy years ago.  But the way mom and dad brought us up was contradictory to the way they lived their lives before us kids.  I had to know why.

When I lived at home we have a bunch of photo albums we kept in the book shelf.  There were a few of mom when she was a teenager, but one in particular I was always curious about.  She was standing with this teenage boy and they were on the sidewalk in what looks like Washington, D.C.  Mom is holding some packages and I’m sure a street photographer took their picture.  When I’d ask mom who the guy was she said a friend.  Hmmmm....

So when mom died I was the keeper of family genealogy and old photos.  And that photo sat in my drawer all these years.  Every once in a while I’d take it out more to look at how young mom was than to figure out who her friend was.  It was a simple time in those years..the 1950’s.

I have always been interested in genealogy.  When you think about all your grandparents...if circumstances hadn’t been what they were none of us would be here.  So years ago I signed up for Ancestry.  I used it for awhile, then I wouldn’t then I’d go back to it.  Then not long ago I got an email from a cousin who said she did a dna test and that she found new cousins.  And she confirmed some things she had been wondering about.  Well, that prompted me to get back to Ancestry and see if I could find any new information about my ancestors.  I already had my family tree set up so I hint leave was on my mom’s name.  I clicked it on and up popped my mom social security index with three names on it.  That never happened before.  I have seen her as index but the one name that popped up with it was never on there before....but lo and behold it was the name of the person I suspected may had been mom first husband.  OMGosh I was so excited.  I got into a drawer where I kept mom’s things and pulled out her 1948 yearbook.  I scrolled through it and there were references to this boy in her own handwriting.  And his sister, too.  I believed I was onto something here.

After some more detective work and finding the name of the boy I believed to be mom’s first husband, I put his name into Ancestry and a family tree popped up with him in it!  I emailed the lady who made the tree and asked her a few questions about this person who I suspected had been married to mom.  She confirmed every question so I knew it was all correct.  She emailed me saying that they had a picture of a woman and her grandfather and suspected it could have been his first wife or a girlfriend, they didn’t know.  I asked her if she could email the picture, she did.  I cannot tell her the feeling I got when I saw my mother in that picture.  To think that some stranger family was wondering the same thing about who the woman in that picture was with their grandfather like I was wondering who’s mom ‘boy’ friend was in the picture in my drawer.  And the boy in the picture she sent me looked like the boy in the picture in my drawer.  So I sent her my picture and asked her if that was her grandfather and she confirmed it was.  Now we know who mom was married to.  Although we don’t have a marriage license or divorced record yet because all the state offices are closed due to civid-19, when they open I’m going to go to the records department and do a search.

Now, the sister of this ‘boy’ is still alive and when her family asked her about mom and her brother she said that mom and her brother got married the day before he was to leave for the Korean War.  My mom had even lived with them, his family for awhile.  She worked at a dry cleaners.  But one day my uncle and his brother came into the dry cleaners and that’s when she met my dad.  And when her first husband came back home on leave my mom told him she wanted a divorce.  And he was heartbroken and it took him a long while to get over it.

This is why I was shocked at learning all this.  My parents raised us to tell the truth and do things right.  Yet, they did it all wrong.  See, mom got married, then met my dad and got pregnant by him while still married to the first husband, then had the baby, got divorced and ten days later married my dad.  That’s what shocks me so much.  That’s not how we were brought up.  I understand that they probably learned from their mistakes and didn’t want us to make the same ones, but they never told us their mistake..they just told us that we better, never do that (whatever it was were talking about).

My oldest sister always lived with some doubt that she belong to my dad.  She thought maybe she was the daughter of the first husband since mom had her before dad and her were married.  So she lived with that thought all her live.  My sister passed away in 2018 and it breaks my heart that she isn’t here to learn the truth and that she isn’t my half sister, she is my full sister.  She always wondered.

Here is the picture the other family had:

 

Mom must have been about 16 here I’m thinking.  I have never seen my mom so happy.  Granted, she was a teenager here, but still, I have never seen her smile like this.

Here is the picture I had:

There were not dates on the pictures so I don’t know when they were taken but this picture seems like  she was already dressing like a housewife.  However, if the story is true that they got married the day before he left for Korea, then I don’t think they were married here, but I don’t know.

If I could ask my mom one question right now it would be, ‘why did you keep this a secret from us?’  It has been more shocking to me to find out she was married after she passed than if we had grown up knowing it.  

Blessings!

Quarantine Projects

While the majority of people are staying home to rid the world of the Coronavirus {coved-19}, I’m sure closets, drawers, kids toy chests, kitchen cabinets and many more places in homes are being cleaned out.  I’m also pretty sure lawn work is getting done.  But there are some of us that have taken to our sewing machines, crochet hooks, knitting needles, cross stitch and other handcrafting items to turn out beautiful pieces of work.  

Here is a vest I sewed together.  This pattern was from the 1990’s.  I have had it for that long, but never made it.  So what better time than now to make it.  I like it and even if it’s not in style anymore I don’t care.  I’m gonna wear it anyway.

 

 

Another project I started and finished is this crochet bag made to hold my ipad and keyboard.  I was getting a bit frustrated having my keyboard in one place and my ipad in another.  So I decided it was time to make a bag to hold both together.  

 

I’ve also sewed some masks.  

 

While I still have tons of cleaning out to do, I also wanna get some of my long list of handcraft projects done.  And as I cross off things on my list that I get accomplished, of course I add more onto the bottom!

Blessings!

He Adopted a Dog!

Well, what a surprise!  We got a new grand-dog.  Our son knows a co-worker who brings adoptable dogs to the area so he got in touch with the co-worker to see how all that works.  Personally, I was a little surprised that my son would want another dog so soon.  But I understand he is a single guy, living by himself and his Maggy was his other half {so to speak}.  And he needs company, a companion.  My son got onto the website of adoptable dogs and Gus was one of them.  Gus was being fostered in Oakton, Va.    

On Easter Sunday, I video called my son to see how he was doing and when the video popped up my son had his camera pointed at the dog!  So that was the first thing I saw when he answered his phone. That’s why I was surprised when I saw him.  I am happy for my son.  There will be a name change from Gus to Franky.  My son is already training him to stay and shake and to stay off the furniture.  

I’m sure there will be more pictures coming.  But for now, I’m glad there is enough room in my son’s heart for another dog.  But we miss Maggy so very much.

Blessings!

We Lost Our Grand-dog

On April 4, 2020 we lost our beautiful grand-dog Maggy.  It was sudden and unexpected.  That makes it even worse in my opinion.  I mean, everything is fine, then boom, it’s not fine.  I was in my office at my desk when I heard my son come into the house.  I didn’t know he was coming over for a visit especially during the quarantine.  He’s a jokester and usually when he comes into the house he throws the office door open to try to scare me.  This time he threw the door open screaming, “she’s gone, she’s gone, she’s gone.”  He held up Maggy’s collar and I didn’t know what he was saying at first.  I was thinking so fast that she ran away and he couldn’t find her but she never did that before so that didn’t make sense.  And my son was crying so hard and I knew something really terrible happened.  I got up and hugged my son until he could control his crying {broken heart} and then he sat down to tell me what happened.  He said that Maggy wouldn’t eat anything that morning and then later she couldn’t even stand up.  He called the vet and they told him to bring Maggy in.  They  did an X-ray of her stomach and found she had a tumor on her spleen that made her spleen burst and the tumor was also growing onto her heart.  There was no way to repair it.  She had to be put down.  Just writing these words makes me cry.  She was a beautiful, loving, wonderful dog.  I still can’t believe she is gone.  My son got Maggy after he came home from basic training.  She was a little puppy then.  But soon after that my son was called to go to Iraq and I kept Maggy for him until he came back.  Then he was called out again nine months later and I kept Maggy once more.  She lived with us for quite a few years.  

My son is single so Maggy was his true companion.  They were inseparable.  They hiked, went to the beach, took daily walks, everything.  And as a mom, I want to make it all better for my son and take away his broken heart but I can’t.  Here are some pictures of our beautiful girl:  

 

 

 

Life is going to be so different without her.  I’m so thankful she was a part of the our family.  

Blessings!

Some Favorite Youtubers who Have Passed

When I began watching youtube it was a whole new concept for me.  I kinda got hooked on it; watching other people’s lives.  I’m one of those who love looking into other people’s homes while driving down the street, curious as to how others live and decorate their homes.   So youtube sorta helps in that respect.  It’s sad to say that some of my favorite youtubers have passed away.  Not only is it sad, it’s quite shocking.  Death is like that isn’t it?  Even if we are prepared it’s still shocking.  But here is a list of those who I shared time with even if they didn’t know it and now will never know it.

Depression Cooking 

Clara was 93 when she passed away.  She gives us insight into what it was like living through the depression and recipes of foods her grandmother and mom used to make.

The Mills Family 

Andrea Mills was a mother of 9 children living in a small house in Wyoming.  She gave tips on organizing, sewing, homeschooling and everyday life.  Around April 2019 she starting feeling under the weather and she tried some home remedies, but after a few dr visits and then finally being admitted to the hospital it was discovered she had cancer.  Unbeknownst to her views, she was 13 weeks pregnant with her 10th child.  In August she passed away.  Tom is now left with 9 kids to raise while is grieving his wife and working and doing all the chores Andrea did.

Phyllis Stokes

Phyllis and her husband Mr. Bucky lived in South Carolina.  She made mostly cooking videos of foods from the fifties, but her and her husband also shared stories of the by-gone days.  They had a couple of poodles, too.  Last year, I can’t remember the month but Phyllis was diagnosed with cancer in the bile duct in her liver {I believe}.  A month after that in July 2019 Mr. Bucky was downstairs sleeping in his recliner and when Phyllis came downstairs to make breakfast she saw him still sleeping in the recliner.  After she made breakfast she called for him to come eat, but he didn’t answer and when she checked on him he had passed away.  Terribly sad.  Six months later in December Phyllis succumbed to her cancer.  I still can’t believe it.  When people have become a part of your day, they are sorta family...even though you don’t personally know them.

Homemade Everything

I watched this channel every now and again.  I found it through Dr. Lee’s channel “Out on the Ranch.”  Homemade Everything is Dr. Lee’s son Mark and his family.  A year or so ago Mark started having sinus issues and went to dr and long story short, he had sinus cancer.  He then had surgery to removed the tumor but it grew back fast.  It eventually went into his jaw bone and a huge tumor grew there.  But what a great attitude Mark had throughout his treatment which eventually lead him to stop treatment and live the best life he could with the time he had.  He leaves behind a wife and two little children.  

It’s so very sad not seeing these people anymore.  I so enjoyed watching them.  

Life is so short...it really is.  It goes by way too fast and trying to make the best of each situation is extremely hard sometimes, but laughter is the best medicine.  Find the funny in situations.  Laugh as much as you can and make as many memories as possible because that is all your loved will have left of you when you are gone.  

I hope you enjoy watching these channels.

Blessings!

Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan issued a “stay at home” order for Maryland residents on Monday — further curtailing daily life in the Free State in hopes of slowing the spread of the new coronavirus.

“Every Marylander can be a hero, just by staying home,” Hogan, a Republican, said in a news conference outside the State House in Annapolis Monday morning.

I woke up to this order from Governor Hogan this morning.  We are to stay in our homes and only go out for essentials, i.e. food or medical.  I never, ever, in my wildest dreams thought our state (or nation) would have a pandemic, let alone being 'ordered' to stay in our homes.  This is like something out of a cartoon movie or even the Bible where the king or ruler tells everyone they have to stay in their homes or else.  I was telling hubby today, 'just think, when our great-great grandkids (assuming we'll have one or two) study this pandemic in school {they will, won't they?} they'll talk about how their great-great grandparents survived it. 

Donald and I stay home mostly anyway...okay, we do go out to eat or go to medical appointments, but we mostly we stay home.  So this really isn't a huge problem for us.  

This is a great time for people to clean out their closets, organize their homes, deep clean it, and just chill.  I hope that parents who are homeschooling their kids will decided to continue to do so even after this virus has passed.  It would be wonderful for parents to realize what they are missing in seeing their children finding joy in education and learning.  And that working from home can be an option for parents who have learned that being home with their family is something they have truly missed out on.  

There are blessings in everything.  Sometimes we just have to see past the negative to see the positive.  I believe that is how God made it.  Because He is in charge of everything single thing.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  

Blessings!

 

Never thought I would ever see the world shut down.  What's even more scary is that the medical facilities have basically shut down.  Our doctor appointments and therapy has had to be rescheduled.  And they will probably be rescheduled after that.  If one was in a mindset of doomsday I suppose they would think now is the time the world is ending.  For me, I am waiting for Jesus to come out of the sky on a white horse.  

I have to say I am sick of hearing about this coronvirus already.  It has altered me getting help for my vestibular disorder.  It makes me have to stay home instead of letting me decided if I wanna stay home or go out somewhere.  It makes it hard when I need supplies like toilet paper, paper towels or water and others have hoardered {is that a word?} it and there is none in any of the stores.  Schools have shut down, theaters, restaurants {no eating inside}, sports events...crazy.  I read a funny on facebook how spanking and prayers have come back into schools...meaning since the schools have shut down kids are being schooled at home.  Parents are working from home, too.  I mean, everyone is working from home.  I guess this too shall pass but when you're in the storm it doesn't seem like it's ever gonna pass.  This time next year everyone will be talking about the time the world shut down cause of coronavirus.  And it will be popping up on facebook.  

Blessings!

Mike and Meg (We had a wedding! October 6, 2018)

Our daughter got married!.  It is a sad and joyous occasion for us.    Here are some of her wedding pictures:

It was a beautiful wedding.  But you spend a year planning for it and then boom it’s over with before you know it.  Her and her husband, Mike Stog (of Mike Stog Photography...go check him out, he’s all over the net), are living a happy life and have plans to buy a house and start a family!