Day 20-Where I'd Like to Travel, Lost Children, Taxes

  I said in an earlier post maybe I'd like to go a tropical resort. 

It just looks so peaceful, a place one can really kick back and get away from your life.  Well, sorta.  I mean, you do take your life and all the junk in your head with you, but at least you can get a break from the everyday ins and outs. 

But the problem with getting to a resort such as these is that I don't (won't) fly so I guess I'll never get to one.  Too bad.  Maybe I can make one in my backyard!  I'd love that.  I should look into that.

"Backyard Tropical Resort"....how neat.  The comforts of home just steps away...hahah. 

Did you ever go camping in your yard when you were a kid?  We thought that was the 'funniest' thing to do; sleep outside in your yard.  I let my kids do that a few times, but I was scared.  I have french doors in my bedroom that go out into the backyard so we set the tent up right outside the doors just in case the kids needed me.  Well once, I didn't sleep a wink all night worrying about them and then when my husband got up the next morning I kinda felt I could get a nap.  Next thing I know my son and husband come running into the bedroom yelling they couldn't find my daughter.  Talk about freak out!!  We started searching the house and everywhere and then I went outside to look in the tent and there she was curled up very close to the side of the tent with blankets on top of her.  Scary!  She wondered what the fuss was about. 

Then that reminds me of another time she scared the pajeebees out of me.  I was busy sewing one day and I knew my daughter was in her room playing.  Then I didn't hear anything and you know that always means trouble so I went to check on her and she wasn't in her room!  OH MY GOSH...how could she have gone past me while I was sewing?  I ran outside looking and looking and she wasn't there.  I checked the basement, I checked everyroom and I was just about to call the police when I checked her closet and there she was sound asleep on a pile of clothes. 

And while I'm on the subject of 'runaway' kids, let me tell you about the time my son got lost at the county fair.  My brother and his family (his daughter was little at the time, well, same age as my son probably around 8 or nine) and us (my family) went to the fair together.  We stayed in a group until I turned around to ask my son a question and he was gone!!!  I freaked out.  I was yelling his name, I grabbed hold of all the kids hands, I couldn't stop screaming and everything went into slow motion.  I'm sure you've heard of people who described a tragedy how they start seeing everything in slow motion, well, that happened to me.  It was awful.  Finally, after looking like a freak yelling and pulling the kids around by their arms, I looked up and just in a small clearing I saw my son.  I didn't know whether to beat him or hug him and not let him go.  I was crying alot.  When I went to get him I asked him why he left, but I didn't ask it in a calm voice, mind you, and he said he thought his aunt was walking and he just was following her, only it wasn't his aunt.  That boy, our son, had to be put a leash after that for a time.  I couldn't trust him after that.  Now it's a joke about the time he had to wear a dog leash on his belt, but the terror of having a lost child is just horrible. 

I still have to get my tax stuff done.  I have put it off for too long now.  I know I have to conquer it, but since I don't keep good records, which have got to change, I have only myself to blame! *sigh*

Fonts Day 19-A Picture and a Letter

I was getting tired of choosing the six or so fonts this posting box allows you to have.  I wanted to use something that looks more handwritten.  Wahoo.  I figured out how to change it.  Cool! 

Today I am suppose to put up a picture and a letter.  "A Look Into A Scatterbrain"'s blog has a very good one posted.  It's a poem entitled 'The Dash'.  As a matter of fact, I have that same poem up on my daughter's webpage:  http://the-canter-family.tripod.com/id2.html If we could all just make good use of our dash, what a great world we'd all live in. 

I mean, what if we were all 'programmed' to only do good things and never, ever to hurt anybody, ever!  Well, I guess programmed isn't a good word to use, but now that I think about it, wasn't that the intend when God made man and put him in the garden?  He was perfect. 

As I was trying to figure this out...a picture and a letter I was wondering if it meant a picture with an alphabetically letter next to it or a picture of somebody you wanted to write a letter to or just exactly what does this mean.  So I googled it and here are some answers I came up with:

What does it mean by "A picture and a letter" (Facebook 30 day challenge)?

I'm doing the Facebook '30 Day Photo Challenge' and day # 19 asks for a Picture and a Letter..

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter <----
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

I don't know what that means.. can anyone help me?

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

i was wondering the same thing :S I'm on 18 and i have a friend who's on 19 so I'm gonna see what she does lol..
at first i thought it was maybe a picture of a letter, or a picture and like a written letter to someone, or a picture and a random "a" "b" .. but i really dont know :( i'll let u know if i find out.

It's so simple.Just take a photo of a photo and a letter(a,b,c,d,e, etc.).

Post a picture and write a letter to someone or something.

 So I guess everyone has their own ideas on this!



Well, here's mine.  The letter A.  A is the beginning of everything.  And so many times we all need to start over.  Doesn't matter what it is, weight, anger, whatever the issues, we all, at least once in our lives messed up and we need to start over.   Also, my letter 'A' has apples.  Apples keep the body going as the old wives tale tells it. 

Tomorrow is somewhere I'd like to travel...hmmm.

Day 18-Your Biggest Insecurity

I actually have a lot of insecurities.  I've mentioned this one before, but it's having dh die and I have to live by myself as an old person.  Very scary.  I don't want to get old and be dependent on people.  That's not me.  I'm usually a very independent person----as long as dh's got my back...hahaha.  Seriously, it's just that when I can't figure out a problem he usually does or visa versa.  What if there comes a day (and they will) when one of us doesn't have the other.  I'm not liking that.

Day 17--Something That Has a Made a Huge Impact on Your Life Recently

Well, in an earlier post I mentioned that I had devastating news and it felt like I was sucker punched in the chest or to be more specific, it was the heart.  I can't discuss what it was, but it has changed my life forever and not in a good way.  Heartbreaking is all I can say about it. 

Just when you think you have figured out life, another disaster happens.  So that's my entry for today.

Defund Planned Parenthood Vigil I Participated In

Just found the video of the vigil I was at to Defund Planned Parenthood.  The lady you see coming outside with the baby in her arms I was told is the daughter of the owner of the place.  She was throwing F bombs at us like you wouldn't believe.  All in front of her child.  You can see we had a peaceful 'demonstration'.  We did not restrict anybody from coming or going.  We did not yell or scream.  So then the owner's daughter called the cops on us and while the officer was talking to the 'leader' of our group the lady was standing next to the building screaming and yelling and finally the cop told her to be quiet.  And then she called her husband who is the guy in the tow truck.  The officer told us to make sure people could get by on the sidewalk and then he left.  LOL  So sad a place like this exists.

Day 16-Someone Who Inspires Me

I don't have a picture for this but I can tell you what inspires me.  Old people inspire me.  For the simple reason that they are a walking history book.  They have lived and learn so very much about life that the stories they hold is just amazing.  They lived in a time when life was so simple and they didn't need stuff to be happy.  Happiness in their days were having family over for Sunday supper or talking to neighbors over a fence.  If you are ever in a nursing home, just listen to what they want to tell you because you will find yourself thrown back in time, in another world.  So that's what inspires me.  All the old people in my life have passed on and I miss not being able to sit with them and learn from them.  They are so wise!

Day 15-Something I Want to do Before I Die

This is a really hard one for me because I'm not a big traveller--I don't have the desire to see the world.  I like being home, that is my world.  Yes, we do have a motor home and we do travel somewhat, but I just don't have the one thing I want to do before I die.  I think I've done most everything I set out to do when I was younger.  And now that I'm thinking about it, it's kinda sad I don't have goals for myself.  Maybe if I could find a vacation spot like this

not far from where I live I would definitely go to it, but I don't know of any place close by with palm trees and I nice beach around here.  But to sum this up I suppose if I could find a nice resort, tropical beachy place where I wouldn't have to fly or travel forever to get to it, that's probably what I would like to do.

Day 14-Someone You Could Never Imagine Your Life Without

I would have to say this goof ball...dh.  Honesty here; he can make me so mad at times, I mean really mad, but then he'll do something totally off the wall and we get to laughing.  But we've been together for 33 years so it's hard to imagine not having him.  However, it's something we are gonna have to face and we do talk about it from time to time.  We talk about one of us will be left behind without the other.  I've never lived by myself, ever.  I went from my dad's house to getting married and living with dh, so the thought of being by myself is quite scary.  Especially being old and alone.  If I have to be old I want to be the kind of old where I'm still strong enough to do stuff for myself.  You know the kind, you've seen them before.  Like the 91 year old lady that is still pushing a lawn mower and cutting her own grass. 

Day 13-Favorite Band

This is easy enough.  I don't have one.  I haven't really listen to music in many years.  I've listen to songs once in awhile, but I got away from  music and dancing to it.  Kinda sad now that I think about it.  Over the years, I've lost pieces of myself.  I used to think I lost myself, but I've really lost pieces of myself.  Hmmm, maybe I need to start building myself back together again.  Wouldn't that be amazing?

Day 12-Something I Love

I love the beach, although I don't get there too often.  And the Chesapeake Beaches we have close to home are pretty dirty to swim in, but people do it anyway.  This is a picture of the beach in Melbourne, Florida when we vacationed there last May.  We drove over an hour to get there and when we finally did, we picked out a spot to set up our stuff and wouldn't you know about 10 minutes later a Florida storm rolled in with thunder and lightening and we had to hightail it outta there.  Hahah.  Well, we did get into the water and had a great time with the waves knocking us  me down.  The life guard even walked over to where I was in the water because I kept getting knocked over and I think I gave him a fright.  LOL  A few times I gave myself a fright!! 

I also love these things: 



Crocheting



Knitting



Rving

Cross Stitching

Motorcycling



Day 11-A Picture of Something You Hate

Today I am to show you a picture of something I hate.  I don't hate very much, but this I hate: 



Do you know why I hate them so much?  Because they run abortion mills.  Their founder, Margaret Sanger is quoted as saying the following things:

The most merciful thing that a large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it." Margaret Sanger, Women and the New Race
(Eugenics Publ. Co., 1920, 1923)

On blacks, immigrants and indigents:"...human weeds,' 'reckless breeders,' 'spawning... human beings who never should have been born."  Margaret Sanger, Pivot of Civilization, referring to immigrants and poor people

On sterilization & racial purification:
Sanger believed that, for the purpose of racial "purification," couples should be rewarded who chose sterilization. Birth Control in America, The Career of Margaret Sanger, by David Kennedy, p. 117, quoting a 1923 Sanger speech.

On the right of married couples to bear children:
Couples should be required to submit applications to have a child, she wrote in her "Plan for Peace." Birth Control Review, April 1932

On the purpose of birth control:
The purpose in promoting birth control was "to create a race of thoroughbreds," she wrote in the Birth Control Review, Nov. 1921 (p. 2)

On the rights of the handicapped and mentally ill, and racial minorities:
"More children from the fit, less from the unfit -- that is the chief aim of birth control." Birth Control Review, May 1919, p. 12

On religious convictions regarding sex outside of marriage:
"This book aims to answer the needs expressed in thousands on thousands of letters to me in the solution of marriage problems... Knowledge of sex truths frankly and plainly presented cannot possibly injure healthy, normal, young minds. Concealment, suppression, futile attempts to veil the unveilable - these work injury, as they seldom succeed and only render those who indulge in them ridiculous. For myself, I have full confidence in the cleanliness, the open-mindedness, the promise of the younger generation." Margaret Sanger, Happiness in Marriage (Bretano's, New York, 1927)



On the extermination of blacks:
"We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population," she said, "if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members." Woman's Body, Woman's Right: A Social History of Birth Control in America, by Linda Gordon

On respecting the rights of the mentally ill:
In her "Plan for Peace," Sanger outlined her strategy for eradication of those she deemed "feebleminded." Among the steps included in her evil scheme were immigration restrictions; compulsory sterilization; segregation to a lifetime of farm work; etc. Birth Control Review, April 1932, p. 107

On adultery:
A woman's physical satisfaction was more important than any marriage vow, Sanger believed. Birth Control in America, p. 11

On marital sex:
"The marriage bed is the most degenerating influence in the social order," Sanger said. (p. 23) [Quite the opposite of God's view on the matter: "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." (Hebrews 13:4)

On abortion:
"Criminal' abortions arise from a perverted sex relationship under the stress of economic necessity, and their greatest frequency is among married women." The Woman Rebel - No Gods, No Masters, May 1914, Vol. 1, No. 3.

On the YMCA and YWCA:
"...brothels of the Spirit and morgues of Freedom!"), The Woman Rebel - No Gods, No Masters, May 1914, Vol. 1, No. 3.

On the Catholic Church's view of contraception:
"...enforce SUBJUGATION by TURNING WOMAN INTO A MERE INCUBATOR." The Woman Rebel - No Gods, No Masters, May 1914, Vol. 1, No. 3.

On motherhood:
"I cannot refrain from saying that women must come to recognize there is some function of womanhood other than being a child-bearing machine." What Every Girl Should Know, by Margaret Sanger (Max Maisel, Publisher, 1915) [Jesus said: "Daughters of Jerusalem, weep... for your children. For, behold, the days are coming, in which they shall say, Blessed (happy) are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the breasts which never gave suck." (Luke 23:24)]

"The most merciful thing that a large family does to one of its infant members is to kill it." Margaret Sanger, Women and the New Race (Eugenics Publ. Co., 1920, 1923)

If you go online you can find tons of searches as to the stupid things PP says today.  These women who run this organization is out of date feminists.  

Day 10- The Person You do the Most Messed Up Things With; Planned Parenthood

Actually, I really don't do anything messed up.  Don't have a girlfriend I can go out and act silly with.  I guess I'm gonna have to skip this day.

On a wonderful note though, the house got a historical vote today; I guess that's the term to use.  They vote to withdraw funding to Planned Parenthood.  Praise God!  We have to keep praying that the senate with follow through.  We have to save our babies!

Tomorrow DH and I have to go to a Christian Motorcyclists Association meeting.  It's a two hour drive so we have to leave early in the morning.  I'm not looking forward to it and I really don't want to go, but.....

Until tomorrow---

Quick Blog

I am on youtube right now watching my favorite videos vlogs and I came across one that is "declutter 30 things in 30 days."  What a great idea!  Now to make a list of where I want to start to declutter! :)

Day Nine-A Picture of the Person Who Got You Through the Most

Here's a picture of the person who has gotten me through the most...Jesus.  He's the only one who has been there for me through thick and thin.  Even when I feel that everybody, including dh, is against me, Jesus is always right next to me.  I will admit that we do have a rocky relationship at times, but it's me and not Him.  Jesus says He will never forsake us.  Forsake means to leave or abandon.  Jesus is the only one that I know of who will never, ever leave me. 

My parents grew sick and died...not their fault, of course, but they did leave me.  My kids grew up and left the nest and I know one day dh or I will die and have to leave the other (sad thought), but Jesus will never do that.  He's with me forever and ever whether I'm alive or dead. 

But I will say, that I have been very mad at Him a lot in my life.  Like when my daughter passed away.  We are told in the Bible that children are a blessings, so why did He take my blessing from me?  I'm still somewhat mad about that.  And the recent news I received...I'm still dealing with that.  I just don't understand why Jesus doesn't step in to come to our rescue.  Well, I do intellectually, but emotionally I get mad and angry.  And then when I'm so far down in the pits of despair who is the one I turn to?  Jesus.  Because He has never left me. 

Day Eight-A Picture That Makes You Laugh

These two pictures of my son make me laugh.  He is not one to make faces like these so that's why I laugh when I see these. In fact, I have these two pictures hanging in my bedroom; they are the first thing I see when I wake up.  My son has always been a comedian, seriously.  He has the funniest, off the wall stuff he seems to say all at the right times.  If he's in the room you will not stop laughing.  I thank God for giving humor to my son.  When my son and his fellow soldiers had come back from Iraq (both times) I had his friends come up to me and tell me that if it wasn't for my son's sense of humor, they don't know how they would have gotten out of some situations.  For instance, one soldier told me that when they were all taking fire and it seemed like a very bleak situation, Adam would come up with the funniest remarks which, in turn, would give everybody a chuckle, which got everybody thinking again.  Then things didn't look so bleak. 

Here's another picture that makes me laugh.  Brother and sister being silly. 

I found these videos on you tube years ago which I think are very funny and I watch them every once in awhile just to laugh. 

The best laughter is usually spontaneous!

Day Seven-Most Treasured Item

I don't really know if you can call kids items or not, but my children  are my very most treasured gift(s).  They are irreplacable.  Here's all three when they were little:

Hahaha...this is a Christmas picture.  I made those matching outfits.  We were on our way to a Christmas party and I had worked on those outfits for a week.  And the kids never gave me one fit about wearing them.  They were good sports. 

Here is a picture of the two teasures I have left:

These treasures have caused me great anguish and heartbreak at times, but they have also given me the greatest joy a person can feel.  I love them beyond words.

Day Six-Trading Places; Valentine's Day, Vigil at Planned Parenthood

I have thought about this all day and frankly I'd like to trade places with myself if I could.  See this girl:

At 21 she had all her life and dreams ahead of her.  It was the best time of her life (other than having her children, of course)!  There's nothing like having the freedom to come and go as you please, a little money in the pocket and time to travel and have fun.  Yes, if I had to trade places with somebody is would be my 21 year old self.  I'd have a re-do and I'd do things a lot of different.  I have always tried to live without regrets, but they eventually find their way into your life.  And the older I become the more regrets I seem to have.  So that's why I'd like to go back to being that 21 year old fun-loving girl. 

To present day:  DH brought me home a plant, a magazine and Almond Joy candy bars!  Sweet.  I shared my Milky Way bar with him that I had bought earlier.  We don't usually do anything on Valentine's Day.  We're free to do what we want, when we want, so holidays like these are really no big deal.

Yesterday, however, we went to DS's house so I could give him the present I got for him.  Ihop is right across the street from his house so we went over there for dinner.  DS said he'd pay for it...that was a treat!  He knows the manager of the place and DS got 50% off the bill.  Not bad! 

Today I participated in my first ever vigil in front of Planned Parenthood.  Planned Parenthood is now performing abortions on underage sex trafficking girls.  It's disgusting what PP does.  They are not a center to help women.  It's a business, plain and simple. 
Go here to see the videos:  http://www.liveaction.org/traffick

Day Five-A Picture of Your Favorite Memory

This one is absolutely hard because I do not have one memory in particular  that stands out from others.  All the time I have spent with my children have been the best memories, although there were times I wanted to pull my hair out.  I love them so much and so deep it hurts at times.  Before my daughter passed away life was sooo good.  It was fun and I felt like a mother duckling.  After Katrina passed, I have felt as if a dark cloud moved in over me and it has never really gone away.  Here is a family picture of us when life was so grand:

We must have been having fun that day as the smiles on our faces really tell the story.  If we could just turn back time.....

Day Four-A Picture of Your Night

DD came here this evening so I could give her her Valentine's present.  She had mentioned a couple of weeks ago that she'd like to have Point of Grace Cookbook.  That's what she got.  I told her she'd have to cook me and her dad dinner now and she responded by saying I had to buy all the ingredients.  Geez. 

Tomorrow I will run my son's present over to him.  When I told him if he wasn't home I'd leave it hanging on his door, he kinda mentioned that I'd embarrass him, but what are mothers for anyway?  Hahaha.  Deep down I know that little present would put a smile on his face!  ♥

Day Three-First 48 Memphis; my Cat is Hyperthyroid

Today you will learn about the cast of my favorite show.  I watch a lot of crime shows, so this one was kinda hard.  But here it is:

Sgt. Caroline Mason is upfront and doesn't pull no bull in her style of interrogation and I like that.  She is able to get on the same wave length, if you will, with criminals and wear them down.  This season we (the viewers) have not seen the Memphis team on The First 48 and in doing some research on it I found out that Memphis City Council has suspended filming because it has put a bad light on their police department.  I say, they've got to be kidding.  I thought the Memphis team was the best team they had on the show and they will certainly be missed.  I just hope that the Memphis City Council will see the ways of their mistake and chose to unsuspend (is that a word) the filming and bring the team back. 

I also like to watch Dale Hinman's show called Body of Evidence.  She is a criminal profiler, but has worked in the FBI and I think she was a police officer, too.  Her husband is an ex Prince George's County Chief of Police (the county I live in) and I remember him from back in the day. 

I also watch Dr. G Medical Examiner. 

My dad worked for the Secret Service, my son is a county police officer and I wanted to be a police officer when I was young, but at that time they had height regulations and I was too short.  Just as they changed the requirements I started dating dh.  He was concerned if we got married and had kids while being a police officer, would I want the kids to be motherless if I was shot and killed while working.  Secretly, I think he was the one who was most worried, so I chose not to enter into police force.  I did however, work for the District Court and Parole and Probation. 

I have a cat name Katerina who basically lives next door.  The neighbors told me she was vomiting and other stuff LOL so I took her to the vets and she tested to be hyperthyroid.  She is the kind of cat that does not like to be touched.  She allows you to pet her head only when she says it's okay.  I bought meds for her; it comes in a pen and it rubs on the inside of her ear, but again, it's going to be a job just getting that done.  My neighbor said that he will try to give her the meds in the morning while he feeds her, but if that doesn't work out we'll have to come up with another plan.  Katerina is twelve years old.  But she looks like she's in great shape.

^..^

Meow

Day Two

Day two is a picture of the person you have been closest with the longest.  Aside from the fact I have siblings and were very close to them at a point in my life, dh is the one I've been closest to for the last thirty-two years.  (Thirty-three if you count dating.)  Ironically, I went to school with his sister and then years later ended up working with her.  One day the two of us were out riding around and she drive into a VW Bug. She called her mom to come get us and that's when her brother (my dh) showed up.  Weird, huh?  We bought a house that had lots of land around it because we planned on having a lot of kids.  However, when our firstborn daughter was three and half years old she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, which is genetic disease that is fatal.  Dh and I found out we were both carriers.  Our son was two at the time and we were advised never to have anymore children.  That's the first time our dreams were broken.  We did decide to have have one more child..our last.  She is a carrier of cf, but she doesn't have it.  Our son is not a carrier...he is okay. 

When our daughter was 12 years old, cystic fibrosis took her life.  More broken-ness.  You never get over the lost, ever.  It's with you every single day. 

Stay tuned for day three.

Thirty-Day Photo Challenge..

One of the blogs I follow 'A Look Into a Scatterbrain' is doing a 30  photo day challenge.  Acutally, there are 31 days listed..LOL  Here's the rules: 

So start off by making a photo album and naming it "The 30 Day Photo Challenge"
It's all about being creative everyone!

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

So, she started this yesterday, but I guess being a day behind isn't so bad, huh?  This is my day one; ten facts about me:

1)   I have four siblings.
2)   My oldest child died at age 12 from cystic fibrosis.
3)   I drive a 15 year old purple Ford Escort station wagon.
4)   I am hypothyroid.
5)   I sell books at half.com
6)   I love making things.
7)   I own my house (the bank doesn't).
8)   I ride motorcycles.
9)   I am taking the Dave Ramsey Financial Freedom course to get out of debt.
10) I own ten cats, two beta fish and one beagle dog.

Depression; Back Went Out

Depression has a way of holding onto a person and not letting go.  I watch those 'depression hurts' commercials on tv and I so feel their pain.  It's true about depression..it not only hurts you, your physical well-being but those all around you.  It's especially hard in winter when the days are short and dark.  Give me the sun and summer any day.  I want to see the flowers and green grass.  I want to ride in the car with the windows down. I want to grow plants in my garden.  But until then, I just plug along and try to get up each day and try to feel like I accomplished something.  Even it's only one thing like load the dishwasher.  It's pathetic, I know, especially when I was so busy when I was raising kids.  I could juggle a hundred different things at one time.  When I sit back and think about those days I can even amaze myself at how busy I stayed and how much I loved it all.  Now, I wake up and wonder if I can even get one little thing done.  I suppose a to do list might help push and motive me.   I wonder if I can motive myself to sit and write one everyday..LOL.  

Then yesterday I threw my lower back out.  It hurts.  I've never really had back problems but twice within the last six months my back has gone out.  That's all I need is a slipped disc. 

DD came down last night to watch the superbowl.  I made some little hot doggie things.  I cut bite size pieces of hotdogs and wrapped them in dough and we dipped them in mustard.  It was good and I will probably make them again. 

I have a cat that lives next door.  Strange, I know.  My neighbor said the cat is not doing so well and now I have to make an appointment to take her to the vet.  The cat is twelve years old, too. 

Until later...

When Devastation Hits

I was told some news this past weekend that was devastating to me.  As it's a family matter I won't discuss it here, but I can tell you I felt like I was sucker punched in the chest.  At times like these my first reaction is at God.  Why did He let the situation happen?  He could have so easily stepped in and changed it, but He let it happen and I get angry.  I want to run from Him and dive into His word at the same time.  I want to find answers that will make me feel better, but I am so angry that I want nothing more to do with Him.  How can a person feel both those emotions at the same time? 


Logically, mentally, intellectually, I know we are a sinful people and we are gonna make mistakes and wrong decisions, but that doesn't make it any easier when devastation happens.  It's the emotions of the heart that don't heal.  Little by little the heart gets wounded and there is just no healing it. 


I believe there are a lot of wounded people walking around.  I'm sure every single person has one battle story they could tell; something so traumatic that happened to them that they are the walking wounded.  That's how I feel...I am the walking wounded. 


How do I pick myself up and just keep going as if I wasn't knocked down to begin with?  How many times in my life do I have to keep doing this? 


It's emotionally hard some days and I just want to stay in bed and not come out of my room.  But that wouldn't be living, would it? 


And as ironic as it sounds, I still want to stand before God one day and hear Him say I'm a good an faithful servant.  But I don't feel that way, at least not today.


And so I wait to see what tomorrow brings.