Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Withdrawing From Paxil

I have been on anti-depressants since my daughter died which was in 1992.  I have been on all of them except some of the newer ones that are out.  But I've been on Paxil the longest.  And it has the worse withdraw symptoms.  You can google them..the list is too long to put here.  Let just say, though, that I have tried many times to get off this stuff.  It's addictive and it's like one is addict to crack or something.  If I miss one dose, just one day, my brain feels like it sloshing around in my head, I have white noise in my ears.  I can get a headache and other stuff, but one of the worst withdraw symptoms is the anger.  Oh man, I can get angry at a drop of a hat.  And that's not like me.  This drug is demonfied, let me tell you.  And it's uncontrollable anger.   It's like I'm in this body who is angry and I'm along for the ride.  It's so awful.  And if I cannot get my meds refilled and I miss a day or more...look out.  It's like being a drug addict that needs a fix.  I'm not kidding.  I hate this medication.  So guess, what, I'm getting myself off it.  Thank and praise God, that the anger hasn't shown up.  I'm having white noise in my ears and the sloshing of the brain, but so far so good.  Oh yeah, and another thing.  One of the symptoms of withdraw is flu like symptoms.  Well, on day two/three, I would get sooo cold; my hands and feet felt like they had been in the snow and yet about 30 minutes later I was sweating like a pig.  At first I didn't put two and two together until about day 4 when the cold/hot episodes had almost stop.  But here I am on day 6.  Praise God!!  And doing good.

I told my family that I was taking myself off this Paxil stuff and if I have any type of episodes or I get super angry, just know it's a withdraw symptom.  Try to understand and talk me through it.  Believe me, you really cannot control yourself.  So, just to test me {hahaha} I had ordered over two weeks ago some birthday presents for Meghan's birthday.  Three different things; two came through Amazon fulfillment center and another came through a supply company.  The Amazon shipment was sent through some stupid Laser Ship company; I never even heard of them but 'they couldn't find my house'.  Donald has to finally, after I had paid for shipping, go to the shop and pick up my order.  And the other present was shipped through Fedex, who, could not find my house, blah, blah, blah.  Luckily, they are right down the street from me and I sat in that office for almost 3 hours listening to their lies:  1)  the wrong address was on the package; 2)  the package was delivered; 3)  the package wasn't delivered but a note was left on my door; 4) the delivery truck broke down and they had to switch trucks and my package was left on it, or dropped out of it.....oh my gosh.  All lies and still they can't find my package.  Now, wasn't that a test of my see if my Paxil withdraw symptoms would come into play?  I did get mad, and I started shaking because I was so mad, but I did not go full postal.  Yeah!  But, I had to come home, call the place I ordered the present from and ask for a refund.  What a waste of time and paperwork.  And my gas for driving down there.

I can't believe summer is almost over.  It's so sad.  I crave hot, summery days.  To think the cold is around the corner again, the heavy coats and long sleeve shirts is making me bonkers.  

Oh well, at least we are alive to enjoy every season.  I say that because so many people of my age group are dropping over dead.  It's unbelievable.  And it's shocking.  I mean, to see someone in the store that you know a few weeks before and learn they are dead is mind boggling.  We are all at death's door; anyone of us could pass through within the minute, but at times it just doesn't possible.  How is that possible?  I know it is; I've witnessed enough of death in my life, but to think that Donald or I will be without the other is just so sad.  When one starts their lives it's so joyful and fun and ya think about growing old together, but when it really happens it's scary and sad and frightening.  That's why every needs to count for something.  

Okay, that's enough for now.