Saturday, November 21, 2015


Hi all!  I've been doing a little updating here.  Some new pictures on the side bar, new banner, and I updated my Shelfari reading shelf.  I've wanted to read a bunch more books this year, but just haven't done it.  

So many things I've mentally wanted to do this year, but call me unmotivated, super tired, I don't know what.  The mojo in me is just gone.  

Never thought in my wildest dreams I'd ever get to a point in my life where I wouldn't care about stuff.  Caring is just mentally exhausting to me.  That sounds bad, doesn't it?   Maybe I should clarify that.  I mean, I care about my husband and children and I'm always worrying about them.  Always.  I want them to be happy and healthy and protected by God's angels.   The thing I less care about is the house, what's in it {all the stuff}'s mentally bogging me down.  No, I'm not a hoarder, thank goodness.  But I do have more than I want to have and donating what I can would be the best option.  I think back to when Donald and I were first married and we had very little.  We did purchase a dinette set and living room furniture before we got married {we never lived together before marriage}; my brother stored it at his house for us.  So when we moved into our home after the wedding we had those things and our wedding gifts.  Plus, our tv was a tiny 4 inch screen black and white.  Haha, those were the days.  We had little but we were so happy.  We had plenty of space in those days to move around.  But here's the thing, why do we, as a people, feel we need to fill up a house with stuff?  

I believe at first we don't think it's stuff.  We are making our house a home, right?  But before you know it, every counter space has a pile of papers on it, the drawers are so stuffed you can't open them, the closet is full of clothes we never wear (admit it!); they are either too big or too small for us and because there's room in the bottom of the closet we have to fill that up, too.  It's truly crazy, ridiculous.  

I remember when we got our first computer, ever.  Back in the late '90's.  We knew nothing about computers, let me tell you.  But Donald knew someone at work who was rebuilding them and we got one for not too much money.  I didn't realize it at the time all the stuff that you'd have to purchase for this thing.  Disks, paper, filing draws/folders for all the cool papers you print out, programs you'd have to purchase...the list goes on.  And don't forget about upgrading to cd roms, and usb and having some place to store all that.  Let's just say, my computer closet is about busting its seams, too.  

Anyway, I did start a clean out process.  Donald and I went dumpster diving at Five Below about a year ago.  Unbelievable what these stores throw away.  We were able to get a ton of toys and this year I was able to donate them to a good cause.  Brand new, in the package with price tags still on them.  But wouldn't you know it....we went back a month later and the dumpsters were locked.  All the stores in this area have locked dumpsters now.  That's another story, though.

Anyway, with Thanksgiving coming up and Christmas it's time to get into gear and get some stuff done around here.  I have a list of projects I wanna do.

So blessings for now!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Withdrawing From Paxil

I have been on anti-depressants since my daughter died which was in 1992.  I have been on all of them except some of the newer ones that are out.  But I've been on Paxil the longest.  And it has the worse withdraw symptoms.  You can google them..the list is too long to put here.  Let just say, though, that I have tried many times to get off this stuff.  It's addictive and it's like one is addict to crack or something.  If I miss one dose, just one day, my brain feels like it sloshing around in my head, I have white noise in my ears.  I can get a headache and other stuff, but one of the worst withdraw symptoms is the anger.  Oh man, I can get angry at a drop of a hat.  And that's not like me.  This drug is demonfied, let me tell you.  And it's uncontrollable anger.   It's like I'm in this body who is angry and I'm along for the ride.  It's so awful.  And if I cannot get my meds refilled and I miss a day or more...look out.  It's like being a drug addict that needs a fix.  I'm not kidding.  I hate this medication.  So guess, what, I'm getting myself off it.  Thank and praise God, that the anger hasn't shown up.  I'm having white noise in my ears and the sloshing of the brain, but so far so good.  Oh yeah, and another thing.  One of the symptoms of withdraw is flu like symptoms.  Well, on day two/three, I would get sooo cold; my hands and feet felt like they had been in the snow and yet about 30 minutes later I was sweating like a pig.  At first I didn't put two and two together until about day 4 when the cold/hot episodes had almost stop.  But here I am on day 6.  Praise God!!  And doing good.

I told my family that I was taking myself off this Paxil stuff and if I have any type of episodes or I get super angry, just know it's a withdraw symptom.  Try to understand and talk me through it.  Believe me, you really cannot control yourself.  So, just to test me {hahaha} I had ordered over two weeks ago some birthday presents for Meghan's birthday.  Three different things; two came through Amazon fulfillment center and another came through a supply company.  The Amazon shipment was sent through some stupid Laser Ship company; I never even heard of them but 'they couldn't find my house'.  Donald has to finally, after I had paid for shipping, go to the shop and pick up my order.  And the other present was shipped through Fedex, who, could not find my house, blah, blah, blah.  Luckily, they are right down the street from me and I sat in that office for almost 3 hours listening to their lies:  1)  the wrong address was on the package; 2)  the package was delivered; 3)  the package wasn't delivered but a note was left on my door; 4) the delivery truck broke down and they had to switch trucks and my package was left on it, or dropped out of it.....oh my gosh.  All lies and still they can't find my package.  Now, wasn't that a test of my see if my Paxil withdraw symptoms would come into play?  I did get mad, and I started shaking because I was so mad, but I did not go full postal.  Yeah!  But, I had to come home, call the place I ordered the present from and ask for a refund.  What a waste of time and paperwork.  And my gas for driving down there.

I can't believe summer is almost over.  It's so sad.  I crave hot, summery days.  To think the cold is around the corner again, the heavy coats and long sleeve shirts is making me bonkers.  

Oh well, at least we are alive to enjoy every season.  I say that because so many people of my age group are dropping over dead.  It's unbelievable.  And it's shocking.  I mean, to see someone in the store that you know a few weeks before and learn they are dead is mind boggling.  We are all at death's door; anyone of us could pass through within the minute, but at times it just doesn't possible.  How is that possible?  I know it is; I've witnessed enough of death in my life, but to think that Donald or I will be without the other is just so sad.  When one starts their lives it's so joyful and fun and ya think about growing old together, but when it really happens it's scary and sad and frightening.  That's why every needs to count for something.  

Okay, that's enough for now.  

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

July 4th and Shark Week

I really gotta start keeping a blog planner.  I have things I wanted put here, but then I forget and...well, that's what happens when one gets old(er)!  

July 4th came and went.  Our son stopped by...well, actually, he went shopping for some goodies and came by.  Haha!  Or he shopped the day before....see how days get combined into one?  Anyway, the daughter went to her friend's house so we missed having her, but the son stayed all day with us.
My son with his subtitles

He even came by the next day (Sunday) because you know why?  It was the beginning of Shark Week!! After him and his dad worked in the yard we had leftovers for dinner. Then dad and son went to the basement to watch the sharks, I went to my room to watch them...until my son came into the room to say he was leaving....uh, waking me up.  Darn, I  missed a lot of it.  Shark day #2 wasn't that good of a day either for me because I think I got through 1 and a half shows before I fell asleep. 

Just dropping by to say hi for now.


Sunday, June 14, 2015

Howd'y there folks!   I haven't forgotten about you...just that depression has gotten in the way of everyday life.  It's really a Catch 22.  Depression makes a person not have the motivation to do anything, yet by doing nothing one falls into a deeper black hole.  Which, in turn, makes it harder for a person to climb back out.  {*Note:  Catch 22 is a book we had to read in junior high school; the phrase really is similar to a rock and a hard place.}  However, if one can do something, even the little thing, it can help one to climb out.  It's a sad thing, depression.  

I've really missed telling you alot of stuff that has happened.  For instance, Mother's Day.  Katrina's birthday day....but I'm not going to make up for it now.  I'm just gonna try to move forward and start with today.  

Today, I slept until 4 or 5 pm..however, I didn't go to sleep until 9 am.  And this scheduled doesn't help to get a good routine.  Why am I like this?  I think the only way to sleep is to take something and I've never, ever been one to take something for sleep.  But I've come to the point where sleep does not come naturally to me unless I'm so totally exhausted I just clonk out.  I think depression has something to do with it.  And knowing I have an appointment at a certain time of day causes my anxiety to kick in big time.  I hate appointments.  

So this week, actually tomorrow, I have to take the kittens to vets to get stitches removed and daughter is going away on a business trip, so I have to drop her off at the airport.  The airport of all places.  I don't even know how to drive through an airport.  Just thinking about it is giving me anxiety.

Yet, we just found out that a 'friend' from church passed away.  This woman was instrumental in bringing us to this particular church 20+ years ago.  I met her one day when both our daughters were taking tap dancing lessons at a community center.  The two of us would sit on the floor and talk about Christ, our schools, our churches.  I remember she was cross stitching something for a wedding and she couldn't make French knots in it so I showed her how to do it.  I wasn't happy with the school my kids were attending and she said her church had a school that was wonderful and I should go check it out.  She invited my family to the churches Passion play they put on every Easter and it was one of the best plays I had ever seen.  And, I remember her birthday was coming up and she was gonna be 39 and she was saying how old she was getting.  Can you imagine 39 being old??  Considering when she passed she was 65, fighting ovarian cancer and ending with 9 grandchildren.  Amazing!  So many of our friends are passing away and as one gets older it gets scarier to see this happening because one thinks they will always be in good health and live a long time, although I don't know what a long time really is.  I suppose 100 years is a long time, huh?

When one has depression and friends like her pass away, it can throw one deeper in the hole.  It's almost impossible to believe people so close to you are here alive and well for the most part and then gone forever.  The concept of it boggles the mind.  We are all so close to death's door and just don't seem to realize it.  

And yeah, I'm gonna say something about Bruce Jenner.  What a bunch of hog wash!!  These men who think changing the outside of themselves makes them a woman is stupid.  They dress up in women's clothes, put on make and grow their hair out and, bam, they are a woman.  I think not!!  When you have periods so painful you can even go to work or school, bloating to where you have to have different size clothes in your wardrobe for whatever day of the week it is , painful breasts, fatigue, headaches, birthing pains 'that time of the month' craziness, and a whole lot of other stuff that goes with being a real female...then come see us ladies.  And..the makeup....drag queen!  How many females  {real women, mind you} wear that much makeup??  He put son so much make up he looks like a clown.  Women don't wear make up like that.  It's ridiculous.  The world is wanting us to accept 'no gender' people and that happening.  It's an insult to real women who fought to get voting rights and other rights.  I'm not talking about being a feminist.  But good gosh.....Bruce, you're a clown. was interesting how you had to hide you man hands in the Vanity Fair shot.  

Okay..that's it for now.  


Monday, March 23, 2015

Wow, Just Wow!

I am so ready for spring.  Yesterday I weeded out the vegetable garden and planted peas.  After the long winter {and I know even though we got quite a bit of snow it was nothing compared to up north} I'm so ready to get outside and sit in the sunshine.  I know I've probably said this before but oh how I love spring!  To watch all dying and old things become alive with new growths is just amazing.  Watching the birds building nests for their new little ones is awesome.  It's a wonderful time of year.  And how about not having to put on coats, gloves and hats to go outside?? Wonderful!  Opening the house up to air out and smelling the breeze coming, just wow!  

There are so many projects need doing around this homestead...I've already starting on the main bathroom.  I painted and replaced the medicine cabinet with a new one.  Look marvelous!  It's funny, though.  I had this idea how I wanted everything to look and it never turns out the way my idea was in my head.  But I think it's gonna turn out nicely anyway.  I am in the process of caulking around the bathtub and to tell you the truth, it's a chore I'm not fond of so I've put it off and now it's like a ball and chain around my ankle.  If I'd just do it it would be over and done with and I wouldn't have to think about it anymore.  But that's me, the procrastinator.  

After I get that bathroom done, I'm gonna start on the master bathroom.  I've already picked out the paint color and I so wish my bedroom was this color.  It's a nice blue beachy color.  {I know beachy isn't a word.}  

I'll post some before and after pictures once everything is complete.  It's gonna be awesome!