Sunday, June 14, 2015

Howd'y there folks!   I haven't forgotten about you...just that depression has gotten in the way of everyday life.  It's really a Catch 22.  Depression makes a person not have the motivation to do anything, yet by doing nothing one falls into a deeper black hole.  Which, in turn, makes it harder for a person to climb back out.  {*Note:  Catch 22 is a book we had to read in junior high school; the phrase really is similar to a rock and a hard place.}  However, if one can do something, even the little thing, it can help one to climb out.  It's a sad thing, depression.  

I've really missed telling you alot of stuff that has happened.  For instance, Mother's Day.  Katrina's birthday day....but I'm not going to make up for it now.  I'm just gonna try to move forward and start with today.  

Today, I slept until 4 or 5 pm..however, I didn't go to sleep until 9 am.  And this scheduled doesn't help to get a good routine.  Why am I like this?  I think the only way to sleep is to take something and I've never, ever been one to take something for sleep.  But I've come to the point where sleep does not come naturally to me unless I'm so totally exhausted I just clonk out.  I think depression has something to do with it.  And knowing I have an appointment at a certain time of day causes my anxiety to kick in big time.  I hate appointments.  

So this week, actually tomorrow, I have to take the kittens to vets to get stitches removed and daughter is going away on a business trip, so I have to drop her off at the airport.  The airport of all places.  I don't even know how to drive through an airport.  Just thinking about it is giving me anxiety.

Yet, we just found out that a 'friend' from church passed away.  This woman was instrumental in bringing us to this particular church 20+ years ago.  I met her one day when both our daughters were taking tap dancing lessons at a community center.  The two of us would sit on the floor and talk about Christ, our schools, our churches.  I remember she was cross stitching something for a wedding and she couldn't make French knots in it so I showed her how to do it.  I wasn't happy with the school my kids were attending and she said her church had a school that was wonderful and I should go check it out.  She invited my family to the churches Passion play they put on every Easter and it was one of the best plays I had ever seen.  And, I remember her birthday was coming up and she was gonna be 39 and she was saying how old she was getting.  Can you imagine 39 being old??  Considering when she passed she was 65, fighting ovarian cancer and ending with 9 grandchildren.  Amazing!  So many of our friends are passing away and as one gets older it gets scarier to see this happening because one thinks they will always be in good health and live a long time, although I don't know what a long time really is.  I suppose 100 years is a long time, huh?

When one has depression and friends like her pass away, it can throw one deeper in the hole.  It's almost impossible to believe people so close to you are here alive and well for the most part and then gone forever.  The concept of it boggles the mind.  We are all so close to death's door and just don't seem to realize it.  

And yeah, I'm gonna say something about Bruce Jenner.  What a bunch of hog wash!!  These men who think changing the outside of themselves makes them a woman is stupid.  They dress up in women's clothes, put on make and grow their hair out and, bam, they are a woman.  I think not!!  When you have periods so painful you can even go to work or school, bloating to where you have to have different size clothes in your wardrobe for whatever day of the week it is , painful breasts, fatigue, headaches, birthing pains 'that time of the month' craziness, and a whole lot of other stuff that goes with being a real female...then come see us ladies.  And..the makeup....drag queen!  How many females  {real women, mind you} wear that much makeup??  He put son so much make up he looks like a clown.  Women don't wear make up like that.  It's ridiculous.  The world is wanting us to accept 'no gender' people and that happening.  It's an insult to real women who fought to get voting rights and other rights.  I'm not talking about being a feminist.  But good gosh.....Bruce, you're a clown. was interesting how you had to hide you man hands in the Vanity Fair shot.  

Okay..that's it for now.  


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