I am Better But Not There Yet

A week ago last Saturday I was sick and decided I needed medical attention.  I went to a CVS “walk-in” clinic, signed in with the computer only to have it say on the last screen ‘we have no more appointments.”  Appointments?  Why is this called a walk-in clinic if you have to make an appointment?  So I drove miles out of my way to visit another CVS clinic only to have the same thing happen.  Let me tell you, I couldn’t stop coughing by this time.  I was sick.  A block from this CVS was an urgent care so I pulled into the parking lot and it was basically empty.  I thought it might have been closed.  But I went to check anyway and it was open!  I walked up to the receptionist only to have her tell me they were appointment only that day, but I guess me coughing and hacking so bad she felt sorry for me and took me in.  I was so grateful.  The PA that checked me out said I had bronchitis and wheezing.  Oh wow..I was sicker than I thought I was.  She gave me four prescriptions.  Did I say I was so grateful.  On my drive to pic up my prescriptions I got to coughing so bad I was vomiting and couldn’t stop.  I thought I was gonna have to pull over to the side of the road, but I pushed on.  When I got to CVS to pick up my prescriptions they weren’t ready and I had to wait 45 minutes.  Now it was an hour drive from the urgent care to the CVS.  Then I waited another 45 minutes.  Then after I got my prescriptions I was walking down the aisle, I looked into my bag and one prescription was not in there!  OMGsh...I had to go back into the line and wait, all the while coughing and hacking and feeling like I was gonna throw up.  I know Jesus got me through all that.  When I got home I couldn’t stop coughing and spent the night throwing up and coughing.  I told my cat if I died that night please don’t eat me.  Well, I did make it to the next morning.  Praise God!  

I haven’t babysat my grand baby for almost two weeks.  That’s how long this nasty virus has hung on.  Even now, I’m still coughing, but not nearly as bad.  I think I will start my inhaler and hope that takes care of this tail end of this virus.  I was reading that the normal flu/cold viruses are gonna hang onto us a lot longer because we have been washing our hands so much that we now have no immunity to even the smallest of bugs.  I believe that.  We have jeopardized our immune system.  

It is October 2021 now.  I’m usually keen on decorating for the seasons, but I just haven’t felt it this year.  We have little to no extra money.  I still gotta get dog food which costs a lot.  

Right now life feels a tiny bit normal.  Donald is out on his tractor (I’m still scared he is gonna fall) and I am here typing on my blog.  It feels good to have a moment to collect my thoughts and just now have to be on high alert every second.  Although in the back of my mind I know I am.  I am keeping my ears open.

I know my seasonal depression will be starting.  I have to fight through that, too.  That is why I try to do ancestry research in the winter to help me fight through the dark days.  I did find that my sixth great grandfather is a revolutionary war veteran which is cool.

I guess this is all for now.

Blessings,

Bev

A Long Overdue Update

 Since I left off last time, hubby (Donald) got home from rehab..I went and picked him up.  Basically, same routine as surgery; I watch him so he doesn’t fall and take care of his needs.  Oh what fun.  This is life now.  It sucks...I can’t even begin to tell you how much it sucks.  Maybe I’m not being grateful for what I have or I’m not finding the joy in all this.  I really don’t know.  I know I have become a resentful, angry, unhappy person and I don’t even like myself anymore.  I just don’t know how to fix me because I have not time for me.  I have no money for me.  

I have been through a lot in my life...the death of a child, lost embryos from infertility, panic attacks, severe depression, lost vacation with my family (because I became housebound). but somehow I managed to find my way out of those things.   And I could find joy again, but this time I am completely lost.  Maybe because I’m just older now and I really have no reason to fight.  I don’t see my life continuing into my 70’s therefore not much living time left.  It’s not a sad thing, just the way life is.  Eventually we all have to think about the end of our lives, don’t we?

So right now, I have bronchitis.  I haven’t been sick like this in a long time.  I haven’t been able to babysit our new grand baby and I miss her.  

That’s all the update for now.  I am tired.

Blessings,

Bev