Sometimes I Feel Empowered, Other Times I Don't

I suppose other people go through this, too.  But sometimes I feel as if I can do anything I set my  mind to; other times I know I can't.  And it's most of those times I continually disappoint myself.  For instance, since October I've been taking a course for becoming a counselor at the pregnancy center.  However, I know I can't commit myself to doing that.  There's a couple of reasons for this.  First, I suffer from anxiety attacks.  Praise God I haven't had really, really bad ones recently like I have had in the past, but I still feel the panic come on when I'm in certain situations.  I'm afraid that if I make a committment and people depend on me wholeheartedly, then I can't measure up, hence the anxiety.  Second, I'm not sure I could handle talking to  women who are abortion minded that, even after I talk with them,  they continued to abort her child anyway.  I would be so upset.  I've heard where some sonographers are the last people to see some children alive before they are aborted.  How very sad.  So, those are two reasons why I know I couldn't be a counselor.  I think I would like to volunteer to file paperwork or do  something with fundraising, maybe.  I just don't know.

Empowered, not empowered.  Hmm.

Oh Christmas Shopping .... fa, la, la, la, la

I'm a last minute shopper, usually.  Today it was time to start thinking about Christmas presents.  My dd said she is not sending me a list with pictures of the things she wants because I never buy the exact one she sends me.  That was an eye opener because I always think I can get her a better one or I see that maybe she doesn't know a different one would work for her better.  When she told me she wasn't sending me a list and why I felt bad.  But yet I thought she is right.  I don't like it when I ask for something and I show a picture of it and yet I get a different one than I wanted.  However, the reason I do that is because I see it as a mother thing.  I want the best for my kids and I rethink what they think.  I am now going to TRY to stop doing that.  Really, I am. 

I started to make my Christmas list for the family.  So far here's some needs/wants:

1)  I would like to have a meat platter.

2)  I would like to have an ac/dc charger for my ipod.

I'm sure I'll add more onto it. 

DD and I are going shopping on Monday.  Sweet.

Tomorrow I have to take my cat back to the vets.  She has tumors in her ears that need cauterizing.  They bleed and when she shakes her head blood goes everywhere.  It's disgusting, yeah. 

So much to do tomorrow.....

Holocaust and the Unborn **graphic photos**

The 180 movie:  http://www.180movie.com/


Some people are mad about this movie.  I want to know what is it that they don't get?? 
   

One picture of a body during the Holocaust.  The other picture is a baby where a late term abortion (partical birth abortion) was performed on.  So what's the difference???  The government wants us to believe that the body at the Holocaust was murdered.  The body that is a smaller person who had his brains sucked out of his head while he was half delivered and still alive is not a person.  Seriously?   The baby body looks just like the big body right down to sex organs so what is it that makes one a person who was murdered and one that isn't a person and wasn't murdered?  I don't see a difference and if you do I'd like to know how you see a difference.

 

The Holocaust is alive and doing well.  Just ask the abortionist's who pockets are stuffed to the gill with green stuff.  Don't be fooled..we need to protect the unborn.

Here Today

The first of the month (Nov. 1st) was the 19th anniversary (if you can call it that) of my daughter's death.  It's been 'one of those' weeks.  You go along doing okay, but when the anniversary of a death comes up depression sorta sets in.  Take the month of May for example.  That's when my daughter Katrina was born.  May has always been a wonderful month for me.  It's just so beautiful..everything is coming up new.  Birds are making nests and having babies.  Flowers are blooming, the sun is bright and it's just a great start to summer.  But then, one day in 1989 my mom died.  And then my beautiful May became one of the those depressing months for me.   And then my mother in law died on Katrina's birthday years later.  How weird is that?  And if that isn't weird enough years after that my father in law passed away in May.  And now May that was once a month I so looked forward to is only a reminder of the people we loved and lost.  And that is how it is with October through the new year. 

Not too much is happening really.  It's just been a slow month (haha).  I am thinking about Christmas, though.  It's time to get to the shopping.    That can be a good thing and bad thing.  :)

Working on my Coupon Binder.....again!

Back in the day (my day) when I started collecting coupons I had a small box I kept them in.  Back then, coupons hardly ever expired...it was great because you could save them forever, well, almost.  But then, I got lots of coupons from my family (they saved them for me) and I had to graduate to a bigger box.  And that worked for a very long time for me.  I just pulled out which coupons I needed and off to the store I went.  We didn't buy anything unless I had a coupon and since I didn't take all my coupons with me I only bought what I coupons for.  I thought I did pretty good at it, but I don't know.  I'm not nearly as good as some of the 'queens' of today.  I try, I really do.  But.....

Then the years rolled by, the kids moved out and I stopped couponing.  Dh and I would just go out and eat..it was easier because it was just the two of us and I didn't have to spent hours in the kitchen preparing food.  But then a few years ago, when the ecomony fell, gas went up, well, I found my coupon box and decided it was time to get back doing this.  So I used my box for awhile and then I went online to see how couponers were saving their coupons and everyone was using a coupon binder.  Oh my goodness.  Whatever had to the index card boxes we used to keep things in?  LOL....okay, so I ordered me a biner online and started setting it up.  I thought it takes much more time filing my coupons then putting them in a box.  But, I got it all done and took it to the store a few times and I felt it was so bulky.  And truly, I was sorta embarrassed to carry this huge note book around with me. I don't know why.  Once I took it with me and my daughter shopping and my daughter was making fun of me and saying how embarrassed that looked.  Ok, I know she was teasing me, but still, it was weird. 

So, I went to Staples to see if I could find a smaller binder and I did find something that I really liked a lot.  I made it work; it as small and easy to carry around.  I could fit quite a few coupons in it, too.  But last night I was clipping coupons...online coupons, paper coupons and then I had too many to fit in my small binder.  Frustrated, I looked at that huge, green binder and I said to it, "well binder, it looks like we are partners again" and here I am working to transfer all my coupons to the big binder again.  I think I drive myself crazy!

You can see my small binder at the top of my big binder.  Now, I have to find a new used for it.  LOL 

I've been using coupons for just about everything.  As soon as I get my receipts together I'll post my savings.

Dh's Birthday, Coupons

Since it is now 12:08am---yesterday was dh's birthday.  Another year older for him!  Tonight the kids are coming to the house for cake and ice cream or whatever I decide to make.  Always so much to do and little time....heheh.

I'll post pictures later.

I found this on another website; I thought it was funny:

Ds Surgery..Glad That's Over With

Most people have problems with hospitals just because it's a depressing place to be.  I have problems with hospitals because I've spent hours upon hours sitting next to a sick loved one.  Sometimes with grandparents, parents and my daughter.  So sitting there watching my son on a gurney, dressed in a hospital gown with an iv in his arm gave me anxiety.  Thoughts of watching my daughter in hospital beds with ivs in her arm were coming back in my head and heart and I just didn't want to be there.  But because I wouldn't let my children go through something like that without their parents being there, well, that's why I was there.  I LOVE my children.  They are the treasures of my life.  They make my heart sing.

Ds's surrgery was scheduled for 11:30am.  We arrived at 8:30am like we were told.  Can you believe the doctor didn't show up until around 1:30pm?  Unreal.  But this is why I'm glad that day is over with.  Stressful!  Here's ds in his hospital garb:

These gowns are something new, something I haven't seen before.  They actually have a heater that connects to the gown and shoots warm air into it.  Hahaha.  What will they think of next?  

When ds's surgery was finished the doctor came out of the operating room and told me (and dh) that ds had actually cut his tendon long ways instead of straight across.  Doctor said he repaired it and now we just wait to see how ds is doing in two weeks.  Of course, trying to him to rest and take it easy is almost impossible.  He actually went to a hockey practice (to watch not to play) last night.  Tonight he went to the hockey game with his sister to watch the Capitals play.  I'm a happy momma that ds got through the surgery and that he is up and running as before.  There's something to be said about 'normal'.

Surgery

It's official.  Ds has to have surgery.  He has never, ever had surgery before.  He hates needles..I don't know how he's gonna get through this.  I mean, he will, but I know he is scared.  When he was a little boy and we had to get blood out of his arm it took three grown women to hold him down...I'm telling ya...he had the strength of a bulldog then.  Now that he's a man, he is very strong even though he is a skinny boy.  Don't let that fool ya, though. 

I'm so scared for him because he needs his index finger to shoot his gun.  His career depends on his hands.  Why do things like this have to happen? 

He is scheduled for surgery Monday at 11:30.  I guess I know what I'll be doing then. 

This is the thing...when ds gets sick he springs back within a couple of days.  It's amazing, really.  He's never sick very long...not like normal people (hahah) who hang onto a cold for a week or so.  Ds is only sick a couple of days and then he's well.  I always wondered what his immune system is made of because he is able to bounce back so quickly. 

I also worry about how long he's gonna be off work, and then there might be physical therapy.  This is just awful.



Author of Prayer of Jabez



Okay, on another note, dd, dh and I are going to the pregnancy banquet tonight.  Last week we went to our local banquet where author Bruce Wilkinson spoke.    Tonight we are going to another one with a different speaker. 

Okay, that's my update for now. 

Warning..Bloody Picture

This is a picture of my son's hand.  He called me today to tell me he had just gotten back from the emergency clinic.  No mother wants to hear that no matter how old your kids are.  He proceeded to tell me that he was walking into his bathroom, tripped over the rug in there and his hand went through the bathroom window.  He showed me a picture of his wound before it was stiched and it's a very deep cut.  The doctor told ds that he needs to go see and ortho and make sure the tendon in his hand is not cut.  Ds ended up getting eight stitches.  The scary thing about all this is that ds is a police officer and this is his shooting hand.  All kinds of scary thoughts invaded my head today....thinking about what if he did cut the tendon in his hand and had to have surgery?  What if he couldn't use his hand?  That would be the end of his job.  That's scary.  Okay, but then I had to tell myself to stop thinking that way...everything will be alright.  Ds was more worried about breaking his roommates window then he was about his wound...however, he drove himself to the ER.  Oh my poor, poor son.  On the funny side of this, his roommate had gotten season tickets to the National Capitals game and ds refuse to stay home last night.  He was going no matter what.  He was at Target buying bandage supplies today and he got different color bandages to match his jerseys.  Hahaha.

Sunday we had such a fun family day.  Dd got us all together to see the new movie Courageous.  Okay, it was very funny and sad, too, but I do not think it was all that great.  It's got great reviews, but I think Fireproof was much better done.  After the movie we all went to Fridays to get a bite to eat.  Then today my son cuts his hand open.  You never know what a day brings.

Saturday my next door neighbors got married.  They've been living together for about three years so it's nice to see them finally become husband and wife.  She has waited for her wedding for sure.  I suppose every girl does.  For their honeymoon they have gone to Arizona. 

Tomorrow I have to run errands and I really need to clean the house.  Dh and I are gonna be busy making outdoor cat houses and working on the basement.  :)

Until next time...